It takes a special kind of badass to wield a dart gun, three firearms, and a Ginzu-sharp katana…while plummeting through the air — parachute-less — from a destroyed jetliner. Wildly implausible? Yes. But this is Videogame Land, where wetwork specialist Rubi Malone can shoot, swan-dive, and decapitate her way through a wafer-thin revenge tale punched full of plotholes and non-sequitur action sequences without batting an eyelash.

Us, on the other hand? We batted several eyelashes at the strangely syncopated plot pacing and gameplay elements. Why does Rubi collect toy monkeys? Dunno. Why does she live in a junkyard? Go figure. Why does she go into Rage Mode when she's splattered with blood? You got us. A lot of Wet feels like leftovers from a more complete adventure whittled down to make this jaunt a sprightly-paced, bodycount-tastic shootout for no reason other than, well, Rubi's been wronged and sheís crazy pissed. And she likes mechanical monkeys.

Honestly, we donít really care. All 12 of Wet's pulpy, whizz-bang chapters dash dizzyingly by, dotting the game's landscape with slo-mo killathons in setpiece arenas. (Take out bad guys! Block the doors they're streaming in from!) Here youíll tally stylish executions to pump up your chain kill, which then feeds a score you can use to upgrade your guns or purchase new acrobatic moves for Rubi. A chapter here and there will have you carhopping through traffic, but most simply recycle the arena gameplay through different backdrops interspersed with light exploration.

And it's that same-y, on-rails feeling that slightly undoes the giddy, disemboweling glee of obliterating fools as the smooth-as-silk–controlling Rubi. Well, that, and the fact that Wet's finale fights are skill-less quicktime events, rather than acrobatic blowouts. Boo.

But Wetís real appeal lies in its super-accessible, stylish, over-the-top slaughterfest. It may not have the brains, but it does have plenty of stab-happy brawn.

PUBLISHER: Bethesda • DEVELOPER: Artificial Mind and Movement • ESRB: Mature • MULTIPLAYER: None • ACHIEVEMENTS: Steady • PRICE: $60

On Xbox 360

+ Moves and controls like butter, despite slo-mo–happy combat.

+ Lots of cool, Pulp Fiction–esque style; great soundtrack.

– Action set-pieces lack some variety; feels a bit recycled.

? Is that sword a carry-on or a check-in?

7.0