The doldrums of April are upon us, loyal readers. In the wake of Grand Theft Auto IV’s imminent release, this month’s gaming releases are as slim-pickin’ as a stereotypical summer's. Luckily, there was a good chunk of games released in the last couple weeks to fill the void in your Achievement-deprived heart. So if you want to learn about the latest Xbox 360 games that will jack that pitiful little Gamerscore, you’ve come to the right place. The Scoreboard features scientific, analytical reviews of the oh-so-sweet nectar of Gamerscore. By association, the 60 dollar plastic donuts they come on are bound to come up, too.

We’re going to be taking a look at five games’ Achievements this week, all of which fit an overarching theme: Just Keep Playing. So if you want to unlock Achievements for these titles, and we know you do, plan on grinding for a worthwhile payoff. Okay, now that you’ve been prepped and pumped up, we can be done with this introduction bull and get to the good stuff. Achieving begins in three, two, one...

Viking: Battle for Asgard

Viking is a meaty, meaty game. You’ll run around three kinda-open-ended islands as Skarin, a blond haired, pony tailed pretty boy masquerading as a violent Viking warlord. Over the course of 20 to 30 hours, he can be seen bisecting thousands of anthropomorphic fish-men while liberating hundreds of kidnapped Viking tribes. In the process of destroying the forces of evil, you are, expectedly, rewarded with mad loot. In this case the loot is both gold and Gamerscore. A lot of Gamerscore.

Best Achievement – No Need For Immortality (50 pts.) Achieved the perfect victory at the final battle for all Midgard This one requires you to go the entirety of the final battle (which is beyond epic due to mass enemy density and 20 minutes of snoozing stair ascension) without getting eaten, torched, smooshed or stabbed in the face.  This is no small feat so it’s immensely satisfying when you end up on the winning team. Block, dodge and run in the finale, and Skarin will be just fine, sans resurrection.

Worst Achievement – (Three Way Tie) Skullbagger 1, Skullbagger 2 , Skullbagger 3 (15 pts. each) Collect the 6 skulls in Darkwater, Caldberg and Thornvik  These nearly identical Achievements are equally super-weak because it’s never made clear that there are any skulls in the land for locating (let alone earning Gamerscore for) and we were Marco Polo-ing the crap out of Asgard. We didn’t find a single one of these things in our 25 hours with the game. Rip off!

Runners Up: Viking Blademaster (18 pts.), Viking Warrior (16 pts.), Viking Slayer (14 pts.) Viking Slaughterer (12 pts.) Weirdly numbered Achievements can burn in a fire. No one messes with our Gamerscore! Well, okay, it doesn’t really matter. We’ll take points where we can get them, but it’s preferable that they’re multiples of five; not three, four or seven.

Easiest Achievement - Viking Butcher (10 pts.) Mastered the first advanced combat move Upgrading Skarin’s skill set typically requires exorbitant offerings of gold to the dead Vikings of Valhalla, who school him in the ancient art of swinging axes in to skulls. Fortunately, the first class is free. In turn, so are these 10 points.

Hardest Achievement - Viking Conqueror Hard (60 pts.) Reach the end of the game on hard difficulty It’s cheesy to use “beat hard” as the Hardest Achievement again (and it isn’t really that difficult) but Viking does offer a couple stupidly tough situations throughout. It’s better to play on hard from the beginning since there’s little to stop you in your viciously violent adventures.

Time Investment vs. Payoff – 3 (out of 10) It is not as harsh as say, Final Fantasy XI, but holy friggin’ Freya this game is time consuming. The payoff is eventually awesome, though. A minimum of 500 points will have been awarded after the entire country has been slaughtered by the too-pretty protagonist’s epic adventure. Careful searching, slicing, and stealth should cover the Gamerscore gaps.

Overall – 9 (out of 10) The Achievements are fun in Viking: Battle for Asgard. They’ll pop up at some unexpected moments when you pull off some super-sweet business like stealth kills and executions, but it also includes a big bunch of terrible, oddly numbered and vague Achievements. Like most games this week, “Just Keep Playing” applies, though here more than ever. You can’t finish this and not walk away satisfied with your bloated Gamerscore.

Sega Superstars Tennis

Sega Superstars Tennis is simple fun and it dished out a serious amount of Achievements in a short amount of time. After an hour of play, though, it begins to follow the theme of the week. The first hundred points aren’t hard to rip out of Superstars, nor do they take particularly long to get, but anything afterwards will take a ton of time. Surpassing 200 points requires unlocking characters, completing challenges by the dozen, and playing tennis match after button-mashing tennis match. Hope you’ve got some free time.

Best Achievement – Thunderhead (20 pts.) "His brother was killed by Death Adder!" <blasphemy> Alright, listen. This Achievement has nothing to do with Gamerscore. There is absolutely no value to the points earned in completing this. It’s a matter of what is unlocked: Gilius Thunderhead, the obese dwarf Viking star of Golden Axe. There are eight extra characters to play as, each with 20 accompanying Gamerscore, but come on... he is a Viking playing tennis. That’s even better than the Viking from the last game. </blasphemy>

Worst Achievement – Swinging Report Show (30 pts.) Become a TV Superstar This is a BS descriptor; “Complete Luck” and “Lamest Achievement Ever” are more fitting titles. After an online match, you’ll need a random player (or a friend/ second Live profile) to watch highlights from your game. The problem is if your opponent’s name shows up instead of yours, you’ll be left starving for Gamerscore nourishment while they swim in the 30 point gain. That’s right: you can’t get the points unless your name shows up as the star of the two (or four!) player match. If you’re fortunate enough, some sucker will check out your clip. Kneel and pray.

Easiest Achievement (or, How the Heck Did We Get This Achievement?) – Cameo Appearance (20 pts.) Hit a Sega court cameo We honestly can’t explain how we got this, but it was literally the first ball hit in a match that garnered this 20 point jump. Play on a court with a lot of SEGA characters for maximum luck. 

Hardest Achievement – To be this good takes AGES (60 pts.) Complete all Challenges in all Sega games (Rank AAA) This is one of the few Achievements you’ll need to exert some kind of effort for, and the amount is so minimal it’s almost not even worth classifying as “hard”. Trial-and-error will always lead you to your goal, because the challenges are almost entirely based on identical patterns. Set aside a good chunk of your day checking off the huge amount of these things. Or don’t.

Time Investment vs. Payoff – 5 (out of 10) Sega Superstars Tennis comes out of the gate as an 11/10. It seems like every time you smash the tennis ball you’re unlocking something, but after the initial “Woohoo!” the Achievement unlocking slows to the pace of a limbless sloth. These aren’t what we’d call difficult, but make friends with your couch. Expect many an hour to be spent tappin’ “A”.

Overall – 6 (out of 10) Again, this is a game that requires time, not effort. You barely need to be sentient to tap the “swing racket” button, which is all it takes to gain most of these Achievement points. Most gamers don’t have the time for this, but if you’ve got a friend (or a child) looking to sink their teeth in to a game, they’ll add a decent amount of points to your bank.

Dark Sector

If there were two things that could make Gears of War less cool, it’d be a skinny, sissy protagonist and switch puzzles. Still, choppin’ up fools with your boomerang-shiruken is generally a good time, so Dark Sector isn’t a total loss. Its Achievements can be described in the same way, “generally good,” with a quick campaign play-through scoring you a few hundred points. If you want anymore, well, let’s hope you like the multiplayer. You’ll be playing it for a while.

Best Achievement – Double Decap Latte (15 pts.) Two Decapitations In One Shot. Decapitations aren’t the easiest thing to get in Dark Sector. Precision aiming is required most of the time, but before entering the graveyard in the middle of the game, you’ll cross a bridge loaded with zombies. If you hang out on this bridge hurling the glaive around, you’re bound to knock of two melons at the same time eventually. That’s some seriously satisfying stuff.

Worst Achievement – Master Researcher (15 pts.) Collect All the Weapon Upgrades. Give us a break. Why explore nooks and crannies when there’s a flesh-eating, arm-mutating virus out there? Please. There are zombies out there and Hayden, the aforementioned skinny sissy, is rocking a boomerang that will cut you in half. Why would anyone use guns, ever?

Easiest Achievement – Ghost (35 pts.) Used Shifting to Get a Finisher. Hayden won’t unlock this ability until three quarters of the way through the game, but once you’ve got the ability to turn invisible, you’ll be sailing through levels, stealth killing everything with a heartbeat. You only need to do it once for these points, though.

Hardest Achievement – Hero of the People (40 pts.) Score 2000 Points in Ranked Epidemic Games (Multiplayer) (TIE) Hero (40 pts.) Score 2000 Points in Ranked Infection Games (Multiplayer). Online matches are tough to get in to at the moment, so if you want in while the getting is (moderately) good, hop online ASAP. Few people are online, and those that are know how to wreck your face, so drudging your way to 2000 points will take a lot of work.

Time Investment vs. Payoff – 6 (out of ten) If you completely avoid going online and playing the game through a second time on “Brutal”, you should come out with over 500 GS. If you lay a bladed beat-down to a couple hundred dudes, and do it in a variety of elemental ways, the increase in unlocks is pretty high. Grinding online will take more time than most will care to bother with.

Overall – 7 (out of ten) Multiple play-throughs and exploitation of all earned abilities is required to get the full 1000 points, so it’s a good thing Dark Sector is so short. It hands out Gamerscore in the campaign quite generously, as opposed to the greedy, Gamerscore hording online component.

Mr. Driller Online

Does anyone remember Mr. Driller? It came out on the Dreamcast, as well as the PlayStation, some time ago. It was hard as hell then, and it’s hard as hell now. This time around, Mr. Driller Online holds Achievements at the end of its frustration filled journey! But that still doesn’t make the game easier. The title is also a little misleading as well, considering the online component of this XBLA classic is completely and utterly busted. 

Best Achievement – Tireless Block Destroyer (15 pts.) Drill 5,000 Blocks. Because it’s is one of the few Achievements that won’t frustrate the player to the point of eating their controller, it’s worth a mention. Chances are you’ll leap for joy, drop your game-pad, and party yourself stupid when you earn this one.

Worst Achievement – Online Multiplayer (EPIC FAIL) It would be great if it were possible to earn all 80 multiplayer Achievement points without having to sucker a friend in to being whomped 30 times in a row, but the busted lag-fest that Mr. Driller Online boasts makes it impossible to play without everyone quitting within the initial seconds.

Easiest Achievement – Continuous Chain Linker (25 pts.) Chain 30 Blocks in a row. Even button mashers (and let’s face it: we all are) will unlock Continuous Chain Linker in time. Some stages are specifically built around gigantic combos, so, you know, just keep playin’.

Hardest Achievement – God of Arctic Drillers (25 pts.) Dig 5,000m in the North Pole Stage. Netting the Achievement for drilling 1000m makes you feel like you should be immortalized in stone in the center of town. People from far and wide would kneel before you, oh Deity of Dig. Anyone who manages to crunch their way through 5000m of candy colored blocks without suffocating or being squished deserves a spot on a hill near Christ the Redeemer.

Time Investment vs. Payoff – 3 (out of 10) It’s likely that most gamers will unlock the first 50 points within an hour or so of serious play, but anything after that requires some insane skill and tons of luck. You’ll be playing for a long time, unless you’re a Driller god.

Overall – 5 (out of 10) As mentioned, teaming up with a friend who’s willing to be slaughtered online you, and if you really dig in to Mr. Driller’s single player stuff, you’ll come out with about half the points. It’s a tough game that involves hours of trial and error, so if patience isn’t your strong suit, stay away.

It’s been a long time coming, but Reader Reviews are back in full force. In all of its licensed glory, Lost: Via Domus is being covered by Scoreboard reader Michael Tucker, Gamertag Ghostx187. If you want in on the hot Reader Review action – it earned Mr. Tucker his own Achievement: a killer prize from the OXM prize pile! – feel free to hop on the point loving, Achievement whorin’ bandwagon of The Scoreboard! Email your own review to us if you want free stuff, or to see your name online, you future Internet superstar, you.

Lost: Via Domus

Previously on Lost: Plane crashes, people survive and a bunch of weird stuff happens. You assume the role of Elliot Mazlow, otherwise known as “Some Guy” in this easy Gamerscore boosting adventure game. To get these Achievements, be prepared to set aside a few hours and just play the game. Most of the Achievements come from taking photographs to jog your memory, which also completes levels.
 
Best Achievement: The Way Home (200 pts.) Finish the game Finish video game, get 200 Gamerscore. Simple and rad. To bag this kickass Achievement it will take you about 4 hours... if you YouTube how to complete the tedious fuse puzzles *Shivers* It saves a lot of time for you Gamerscore junkies. 

Worst Achievement: Via Domus (50 pts.) Complete Episode 3 Good luck with this achievement, lololololooloolol. Seriously though, are you a decent photographer? Well me either, because Locke is damn near unphotographable for this portion. It'll take you anywhere between five seconds and 45 minutes to unlock this Achievement. Afterwards, have fun finding your way through the cave, avoiding bottomless pits and torch snuffing bats.

Easiest Achievement: Save the Castaways (15 pts.) Prevent the fuel leak from igniting Play the game for two minutes and “bloop”, you have 15 more points! Seriously, this Achievement unlocks after completing an easy fuse puzzle right at the beginning. Doing so stops the fuel leak from igniting and killing most of the cast(aways) of Lost.

Hardest Achievement: Boom Boom (10 pts.) Open the secret door Remember the Black Smoke? It's not fire, it's something much more lame than that. I'm not actually sure what it is but I do know its sole purpose of existence is to pwn yo ass. You'll need to travel through the dark territory to the Black Rock (a slave ship that’s in the middle of the mystical fairy jungle island) to get some boom sticks. After you avoid the random guy in the tree shooting at you, you have to back track through the dark territory and deal with the Smoke again, but you can't run or you will explode from jiggling the dynamite in your pack. So if you can make it back to the secret door you'll be rewarded with a staggering 10 points.

Time Investment vs. Payoff – 9 (out of 10) If you can over look and put up with some gameplay flaws you can have an easy 1000 gamerscore in around five hours, not factoring in the time figuring out the damned fuse puzzles.

Overall Score – 9 (out of 10) Lost: Via Domus is great for Achievements and is a decent adventure game. This is filled with very obtainable Gamerscore, some intense scenes, and it’s easier to enjoy the game while earning Achievements. But you may have to replay some levels to nab a missed Achievement or two.
 
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What a week! Well, readers, we had some laughs but it’s time for us to go our separate ways. We’ve all got Achievements to unlock, and if the rest of April’s releases (all two of them) are anything like this week, we’ll need to sacrifice sleep in order to boost our Gamerscore. Don’t forget to email your own Scoreboard review to us so you can win some free stuff! Check out this week’s games if you’re interested, but be prepared to lose your life to them if you want points! Bring a friend.

Until next time, where we’ll take a look at Bully and Army of Two, just keep playin’.