This is not the Scoreboard you're looking for.

Sure it's got loads of Achievement reviews (including a returning reader's review for Far Cry 2), but it's not the Scoreboard you want. We're cleaning up the scraps, so to speak, before we drive home the holiday's biggest blockbusters. And don't take that statement as a condescending brush-off: all of Scoreboard #22's reviews are worth reading if you're sceptical about the odds-and-ends of 2008's fall line-up. Guitar Hero: World Tour and Legendary bring the Gamerscore home from retail shelves, and you might be able to suck some Gees out of XBLA releases Vigilante 8 Arcade and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. But before we send you off, a returning reader has a review for Far Cry 2.

So if you're ready to prep for the major releases, read on, and be prepared to be surprised by the worthwhile gettin' in some games you never thought you'd care about. Achieving time is now.

Guitar Hero: World Tour

Gosh frickin' darn it, Neversoft. Why is this franchise continuously getting worse? We're not speaking quality, mind you – that's not what we do! We're talking strictly in the bland, boring, terrible, awful, generic list of unlocks that's been steadily rolling down to crap town since Guitar Hero 2 personified the standard list of creatively void badges. They're still fun to unlock in the sense that fluffing comes from shredding, but holy smokes, dudes: hire us and we'll make a decent list next time just so we can stop complaining about the crummy quality of numerical nectar.

Best Achievement: "Wylde Man" (10 pts.) You rocked out as Zack Wylde – Zack Wylde, in case you missed the memo, is the baddest of all BAMF's in the rock world. The ground smashing, speaker facing master of shred eats Chad Kroegers for breakfast, and being able to jam as the leader of Black Label Society, particularly during his song "Stillborn," is a really cool experience and at least four billion times cooler than a whiney bald dude or some chick who thinks she's way cooler than she actually is. We're big fans of these "real" musicians being in the games. Here's hoping we'll be able to shake hips and bend knees as The Beatles in Harmonix's upcoming Paul McCartney simulator.

Worst Achievement: "Platinum Rockstar" (50 pts.) 100% a song as a band, hard or expert only (4 player band) – Are you looking to shatter a friendship or break up with your boyfriend? If so, ask them to help you become a "Platinum Rockstar" with a couple other buds and the relationship crushing will commence as you blame their first faulty over-strum as the reason for your continued failure to unlock the badge. Gathering four total Guitar Hero badasses to full combo a song on hard or higher is an agitating experience that is better off being left alone. Unless you want to flip out at your friends, that is.

Easiest Achievement: "Warrior Of Rock" (5 pts.) You created a male band member – When you start your first career, get the basics of customization out of the way right away. Busting out custom tattoos, band logos and instruments is simple enough when you start, but nothing is easier than rocking out with the standard, generic-o-rockstar that World Tour provides you. Remember, you can edit these characters later, but you can just go ahead and start playing to unlock this – if you're demanding and want to go through the effort to make a lady then the "Rock Maiden" Achievement is worth the same amount of GS for a little more menu navigating.

Hardest Achievement: "Get Your Boogie On" (30 pts.) You scored 222,222 or higher on the song Satch Boogie as the Lead guitarist – Eff you, Joe Satriani. Your insanely crazy note chart for your god forsaken Satch Boogie makes even the most seasoned experts cringe with carpal tunnel – and that's just the thought of passing it, never mind acing the predetermined score of 222,222 points. We demand at least that many in Achievement points for this to be an equal exchange, because our fingers are now permanently craned because of this stupidly tough-to-nail Achievement. Take a pass and save your hands. They're better off being used for something useful than this self-inflicted suffering.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 7.5 (out of ten) – Crushing the expert career retroactively unlocks the preceding difficulties, so if you're a music-game vet then this is the speediest route to unlock 300 points or so. Playing with band mates – ideally four of them – also unlocks more badges for you, and dipping in to the creation and customization will earn you more decent points. At four to five solid hours to wrap up your world tour, it's not a loathsome amount of time to kick out the jams in return for GS.

Overall: 3 (out of ten) – We looooooooove us some o' them there 'chievement points, but yeesh, this list makes us sleepy. Passing careers, making multipliers, hitting star power as a band and jamming as a famous musician make up the plain list – 50 of which are Secret! Ridiculous! Thank goodness for the Internet or we'd never know what to do... oh wait. You could just play and unlock most of the points. When can we start getting points for things like playing the entire song on the solo-frets, with our teeth, behind our head, etc.? Slap a speedometer in the guitar and we've got a whole new batch of potential, force singers to stick to a single octave and reward drummers for pounding the toms as hard as possible. Get mildly creative – it's not hard. You just have to be better than our trashy examples.

Legendary

So what if it bends the mythos of Pandora's Box a little? It's cool, dudes! Even if Legendary has its fair share of problems throughout each chapter, there's a little Pandora's Box of Gamerscore in it for you if you suffer it through. You'll want to, too: things happen in Legendary that'll momentarily make you forget about Achievements, and the only thing you'll be thinking of was how badass it was when an MF'ing Kraken slammed its tentacles through your friends, thus crushing London's parliament building. Then it's straight on to killin' it for GS!

Best Achievement: "I Owe You An Apology" (14 pts.) The Lead Designer apologizes for writing the terrible pun "DouBull TrouBull" -- have some points – This is class. Read on for details.

Worst Achievement: "DouBull TrouBull" (1 pt.) Survive the double Minotaur attack in Episode 8 - We'll be frank: the minotaur fight in the lobby during chapter eight is an absolute sunuvab****. The checkpoint to start it will almost assuredly leave you with little ammo and depleted health, but you're stuck fighting two hammer-carrying brick walls that can swallow three rockets before they consider dropping said hammer. Worse, when you finally beat it you'll only unlock one (ONE!) measly friggin' Achievement point. Thanks. But wait! There's more, and it almost pains us to spoil it but we're going to anyway. You've been warned.

Moments after you've unlocked "DouBull TrouBull" – a pun that would make even the worst pun pundits around the OXM offices *coughDancough* blush – and the horror of being screwed out of potential points has fully sunk in, another Achievement unlocks. "I Owe You An Apology" might be the best use of a funky-numbered Achievement payout we've ever seen. The intense hatred you'll get from Legendary is alleviated when you see this, as you'll probably split your sides laughin'. We did. Good game, Spark.

Easiest Achievement: "Gum On My Shoe" (5 pts.) Get stepped on by the Giant Golem in Episode 3 – We've detailed some woefully easy (and fully appreciated) Achievements in the past, but this one is only bested by The Simpsons Game's "Press Start" unlock. Sure, we've elaborated on the complexities of pressing the A or X button to crack the lock on an Achievement, but this time, all you've got to do is get smooshed. If you can manage to not press any buttons, the smash-happy golem would be happy to oblige you in the giving of Gamerscore by stomping on your chest – unfortunately for you, his foot is made of a bus and a bank, so you'll have to drop dead and reload the checkpoint to continue playing... But how can you complain about getting stepped on for G-Score when all you have to do is nothing?

Hardest Achievement: "Mint in a Box" (40 pts.) Collect all PDA pick-ups – We're known to complain about silly things here on the Scoreboard, and anything we can't pull off is immediately put on our Black List of Hatred and Loathing. The Bourne Conspiracy's passport Achievements eluded us, and now PDA pickups – which are physical PDAs, funnily enough – have us stumped, too! After collecting approximately 14 trillion PDAs, we still hadn't even reached the halfway point! COME ON! That's ridiculous! How many people in New York could possibly have lost their digital day planners that we missed over 50% of them? Screw it. We're glad the city was eaten by griffons.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 6.5 (out of ten) – Eight hours in and 485 points richer, we've wrapped up Legendary's single player campaign. Not a bad haul until you consider the frustrations you endured. But at the end of the day when you've reaped the wealth and murdered some bloodthirsty, brain-eating dogs, you know it was all worth it. Playing on higher difficulties will most definitely lengthen the amount of time it takes to complete Legendary, but the payoff is proportional. The problem is that you won't unlock the Achievements' nerd-numbers retroactively, so you're looking at four play-throughs for the full cash out.

Overall: 8 (out of ten) – We busted out laughing and were incredibly relieved to earn a respectable chunk of Gamerscore from slaughtering the minotaur duo, so Legendary earns huge points there. Aside from that we've got a pretty regular list of "beat missions" and "win multiplayer matches" but the occasional sub-side-mini-mission for points results in some more comedy or coolness. Keep your eyes peeled for alternate routes – you might find PDAs on your way to hilarityville or awesometown.

Vigilante 8 Arcade

Holy crap. Car combat is awesome, even ten years after its "death" on the PlayStation One (because let's face it: Twisted Metal Black was butt)! But nobody cares how it plays or how fun it is when it's packed with 200 individual Gamer Points to be earned, most of which involve flat out whoopin' some vehicular ass. But there's always a catch, and with a few easy Achievements to be unlocked, you might be surprised by the challenge (or tedium) of some of V8 Arcade's generic-as-a-Grand-Am unlockables.

Best Achievement: "Total Pro" (20 pts.) Destroy 100 cars by 'totaling' them. – If there's one thing in this world more satisfying than roasting a hippie's van with a flamethrower, it's obliterating it with a charged up collection of insanely powerful rockets. You can't question the rad-factor of turning opponents' rides in to dust with powered-up homing missiles or a field of land mines 100 times, so don't even try... or we'll mess up your ride with raining purple death beams.

Worst Achievement: "Alien Contact" (20 pts.) Collect all 100 'Alien' icons in single player to unlock a secret craft. – In spite of its freaking phenomenal reward (take a guess what it could be...) the monotony of collecting the one hundred glowing golden gray-men heads wears thin while you're trying to duke it out with opponents. If you insist on unlocking these 20 points like the ravenous rat you truly are, hit the free roaming mode with a couple friends and LEVEL each stage like you were nuking an island populated with bloodthirsty zombies. You'll want to clear out every possible structure to locate each arena's set of icons, but try to refrain from smashing each other up in favor of tedious, boring-ass exploration. Collection sucks, so let's keep it out of our action games, mmmmkay?

Easiest Achievement: "Learner's Permit" (5 pts.) Defeat any vehicle in any mode. – How hard could it be to shove machine guns, mortars and missiles up the exhaust pipe of any number of vehicles ripping around the exploding environments? Not hard. Not hard at all. Y'know why? Because it's friggin' machine guns, mortars and missiles being crammed in to cars, and there are few things easier than making destructible cars, uh, destruct with highly flammable, highly explosive, highly dangerous weaponry. If you're still finding yourself getting blown sky high before you can squeeze off a shot then feel free to drop down to the easiest difficulty or let a local/online buddy eat your hot lead.

Hardest Achievement: "Quest: High Octane" (30 pts.) Complete single player Quest Mode on Hard mode. – You wouldn't expect a farmer driving a bumblebee-filled pickup truck to be a total badass marksman, but he, along with just about every other AI vehicular brawler on Hard mode, will completely destroy you before you even know what's going on. Prepare to spend a frustrating amount of time throwing up – the camera in Vigilante 8 goes a little haywire when four other dudes are blasting you in to the heavens with repeated rocket blasts. It's almost too agitating to bother with... but 30 points is 30 points.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 6 (out of ten) – Racking up 100 Whammies and kills will take up time, as will placing first in a bunch of online matches, but there are a few early unlocks that you'll undoubtedly get without trying. You'll assuredly fire ten charge attacks before your first match ends, and you'll inevitably collect enough bits for upgrades. It's a shame that there are so many "100 times" Achievements because you'll find yourself deliberately using inappropriate weapons just to earn Whammies. It could be worse, but we're not in love with V8's Achievement payout. Overall: 5 (out of ten) – Win online. Kill dudes. Do something 100 times. Beat a difficulty. Seriously, what kind of world are we living in where developers can't think up a moderately clever or creative award for doing something? Every Achievement feels like a throwaway decision made by an intern. Except the intern is a dog. And the dog is Lassie. And, in case you missed it, Lassie died like 30 years ago.

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

Well, the obvious answer is "yes," unless you're some fourth grade punk (and we do love fourth grade punks – especially the ones who click our ads! Hear that kiddos?). But jerkface-Jeff Foxworthy likes to think otherwise by tossing some Latin in your face when it comes to the elementary school questionnaires. What fifth grade kid knows Latin? Is it the same born-to-be-a-rocket-scientist child who knows all the global events that took place during the Cold War? Well, whatever. Trivia rocks regardless, and there's loads o' loot here to go around. Plus it's easy enough to hit Google if you're desperate for an answer that'll unlock some points. Yay Internet!

Best Achievement: "Close Call" (10 pts.) Peek at your classmate's paper but don't follow – Despite the quiz-list supposedly being made up of 5th grade curriculum questions, there are some doozies. Like... wow, are there some ridiculously tough Qs in this game. But fear not! You're a smart lad/lady, and you can cram it in both Foxworthy's and a fifth grader's face when you humbly decline little Cameron or Reilly's thoughts on the situation at hand by deliberately selecting a subject they're not a fan of. If your "classmate" loves him some vocabulary, test his whiz-kid's knowledge of animal science or astronomy. When the naive chump can't fathom a correct answer and tries to force BS like "Yes, Mars does have oceans!" on you when you peek, you take advantage of your teammate's foolishness and preach the truth. "No, Jeff Foxworthy, Mars does NOT have oceans!" Bloop! "Close Call" indeed -- who's smarter than a fifth grader now, beeeeyaaaatch?

Worst Achievement: "The Great Achievement Hunt" (5 pts.) For me to know and you to find out – Well, we haven't the faintest what in the heck this one is, but it's probably safe to assume it's one of those cheesy "Get All The Other Achievements!" Achievements. Those are really lame. The worst thing about Achievements are the vague descriptions (remember Condemned 2? Gah!), and it's fine if you want to grey out the story-spoiler stuff with a "Secret" tag, but when the description gets all "nah nah nah nah nah nahhhh!" in our grade-school grill, we've got problems. Come on, Jeff Foxworthy: grow up and tell us how to unlock this. Be the bigger man, you four-eyed freak.

Easiest Achievement: "You're a Star!" (10 pts.) Collect 1 Extra Credit Star – The Extra Credit is fairly random, but we didn't encounter any of them that were noticeably tough to get. Most of the report card Stars seem to be tied to moderate-to-easy multiple choice/true or false questions, so that's rad. They're uncommon throughout games, but you'll almost definitely get one if you break the 25,000 dollar barrier, and in due time you'll get your gold star from teacher, proving that you are indeed the master of basic arithmetic.

Hardest Achievement: "Super Star" (50 pts.) Collect all of the Extra Credit stars – This is one that quiz-nerds will be dying to get. You'll have to grind through the hundreds of questions to unlock the five stars in each of the 21 subjects to fill your report card with stars and smiley faces. For those doing the math, that's over one hundred (randomly asked) Extra Credit questions. Could we at least get some Gamerscore for figuring that out? Dang. That's a lot of fifth grade-ing. It's back to the books for the greedy Gamerscore whores out there. Wanna be our study partner?

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 5 (out of ten) – 5th Grader comes out of the gate practically stuffing the Gamerscore in your mouth faster than you can buzz in your first answer – quickly answering questions, beating everyone in a multiplayer match, making it to a million... this stuff isn't as tough as it sounds. But the remaining Achievements will eat up your time like you can't imagine, and let's be honest: as fun as Foxworthy's game show is, he's got nothing on the Prince of Persia, Marcus Fenix, Faith, George Takei and other critical game-centric characters this fall.

Overall: 7 (out of ten) – The list is pretty standard, but the spin on winning is a welcome addition that'll have you blitzing your way to the big bucks in a set amount of time and/or without cheating. Answering quicker than a flash of lightening and getting a butt-load of questions correct... well, that stuff is stock, which makes it boring as hell. But we'll take it – it's easy earnings for the most part and it's fun in the process.

If you like free, totally awesome stuff then listen up: Ross Arbour authors this week's reader review for Far Cry 2, which will net him wild fame across the Intertron and gratis gear from the OXM Prize Vault. Read on for the Far Cry Achievements-review, and feel free to drop us a line – give us a review of your own, send us love notes, or simply say hello!

Far Cry 2

If we could give Far Cry 2 an Achievement, we’d award one called “Mind-Blowing Outdoors”. But if your mind is so corrupted that you can’t appreciate it’s remarkably beautiful foliage because you’re busy drooling over the “Achievement Unlocked” icon, you’ve come to the right place.

Best Achievement: "Lineman" (20 points) – Complete a Mission intercepted from a cellular tower signal – An assassination mission is fun for everyone (except the intended target) and 20 quality points are awarded when you splatter your objective’s innards on his surroundings. You trigger the mission by intercepting a signal from any of the cell towers around the map and take orders from a mysterious voice that resembles the creepy villain from the Saw series.

Worst Achievement: "Dr. Livingston, I presume" (20 points) – Enter every 1 square kilometer map region of the world – Aside from having a convoluted description that could have simply said “Enter Every Square Kilometer of the Map”, this Achievement blows like a shop vacuum in reverse. We couldn’t possibly set foot in each square kilometer, especially with so much of the territory off-road and accessible exclusively on foot. What’s worse, is there is absolutely no way of knowing which map sectors you have graced; you could have entered 49km² of the game’s 50km² and not know which chunk you're missing, something only determinable by traversing the entire map by moving back and forth in horizontal or vertical lines… hours of suck for a laughable 20 Gamerscore.

Easiest Achievement: "On the run" (10 points) – Escape the Town – This will be your first achievement in the single player story. The town you are relaxing in is inconveniently ambushed while a fit of malaria has you in bed sick. You could steal an enemy weapon, stave off the onslaught of attackers and break free of the town in an epic chase scene, but we've found an easier way. Die. A buddy will haul you out of the town’s vicinity and you’ll unlock an easy 10 Gamerscore faster than you can say “my gun jammed AGAIN?!”

Hardest Achievement: Field Hospital (40 points) – Get 500 revives (Ranked Match) – This triumph of multiplayer teamwork will undoubtedly keep you busy. When someone is shot in Far Cry 2, they go down à la Gears of War. At this point, they’re helpless. Everyone we “downed” in multiplayer met a respawn timer a second later when we fired another round into their slumped body. In all the matches we played, we managed just one valorous revive, when a teammate fell over right in front of us and we were close enough for a “heal teammate” button press before the other guy could finish him off. Now imagine 500 of these, in ranked matches only. Can we all agree there are easier ways to add 40 points to our Gamercards?

I Didn’t Get an Achievement for That?: Complete a mission without alerting any enemies – It’s hard to stay hidden in Far Cry 2. Once you enter an enemy camp, all hell tends to break loose more often than not. But if you employ sneakier tactics than brazenly setting the entire grasslands ablaze, you ought to be rewarded. We snuck into a camp in one mission that required securing gold. After many perfect headshots with a silenced pistol, we secured the loot while the guards remained oblivious thanks to our leet covertness. It felt Achievement-worthy… From the team that created Splinter Cell?

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 5 (out of ten) – Unlike patrol camps full of people who want to kill you, Achievements are few and far between. Achievement Points are lurking deep in the tall grasses of the Savannah, alongside steel cases that belong to some unfortunate bloke who misplaced his conflict diamonds. It will take time to garner any of the lamentably sparse Gamerscore, especially if your score-whoring skills are rusty like every gun in Africa.

Overall: 7 (out of ten) – We’re not here to judge quality, but while Far Cry 2 is stingy on Gamerscore, it’s still a fun game. The world may not be densely populated with Achievements, but there are plenty of other things to keep you busy – whether you’re hitting convoys, assassinating political opponents, or using Africa’s virtual wildlife to honor the old adage “kill two birds with one rocket-propelled grenade”, you’ll be delighted with the game’s variety… even if the Gamerscore isn’t perpetually flowing in.

*****

We considered reviewing Scene It? Box Office Smash this week, but in all honesty it is too subjective to claim the "Easiest" and "Hardest," and there really aren't any "Worst." That trivia game is loaded with easily unlockable Gamerscore depending on how in-depth your movie knowledge is, so hit that if you're in need of a quick fix! While you do that, we'll be drowning in this year's hottest releases. Be sure to come back next time for the Scoreboard of the century – and don't forget to email us your reviews so you can take part in it!