Listen up, Achievement acolytes: The Scoreboard is back again, and if you don’t think you can handle a ferocious onslaught of information — i.e., opinionated reviews of the most recent batch of Xbox 360 Achievements — you’d best turn back now.

For the rest of you, we’ve got a rocking good time ahead of us. A ton of games are coming out this summer, and you’d best clear them off your plate ASAP if you want to max out your Gamerscore before the busier fall season. On the agenda this week, we’ll be taking a scientific dive into the worlds of Aces of the Galaxy and Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3 on Xbox Live Arcade, but not before you’re completely informed on Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures, Dragon Ball Z: Burst Limit, and The Bourne Conspiracy. We've even got a reader review of Ninja Gaiden II!

That’s right, folks — you really can become Internet-famous by being a greedy Gamerscore fanatic. Actually, you need to be an Achievement enthusiast, and you’ll have to fire us a thoughtful email, but what’s a little effort for a little spotlight, right?

Anyway, let’s get this baby rollin’!

Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures

Fans of the good doctor’s films should find the Achievements for Lego Indiana Jones charming, as each of them is a cleverly pulled quote from one of the three films in the original trilogy. The wits don’t end there, though, because Lego Indy’s Achievements are mostly loads of fun to unlock. Many are rewards for things we might never have done, and we appreciate the Gamerscore-prize in the end as well as the enjoyable experience that led up to it. We don’t appreciate, however, repetitive bits like having to throw a confused primate a banana 20 times.

Best Achievement: How dare you kiss me! (15 pts.) Use your whip to kiss Marion, Willie and Elsa. — Meow. Nothing like a little Lego lip-locking! This Achievement is not only simple to earn — play the first mission or two of each chapter and lasso your lady with a tap of the B button — but it’s probably one of the most fun ideas we’ve seen in an Achievement. There’s no skill required, and while it’s a bit silly, the points are well worth it.

Worst Achievement: Fortune & glory kid. (100 pts.) Complete the game to 100%. — Consider this an open letter to developers everywhere: your game is probably not as fun as you think it is. Yeah, Gears of War is fantastic, but no one wants to get 10,000 kills online. We at OXM gave the superb Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare a 10/10, but we’d rather jump out of the plane in the epilogue — sans parachute — than rescue the onboard hostage on Veteran difficulty. Same goes for Lego Indiana Jones: as much fun as it is, it’s just not worth it to search for every nook, cranny, crevice, and cubbyhole to find that one last treasure chest. It’s fully do-able, and we expect many people will aim for the 100%-achieved Achievement, but it’s just a bad philosophy to follow, and it’s something that should be phased out of the system. Take zero-point Achievements with it, too.

Easiest Achievement: Hey! You call him Dr. Jones! (20 pts.) Create and name a custom build character. — Once you find the Build-a-Bear-alike station in Barnett College (the hub of the game), pressing a button or two to simply enter and exit the creation mode will unlock this deliciously straightforward Achievement. Realistically, you don't even need to create anything; it just asks that you pretend you’re interested. We’re starting to become big fans of these “Press A, get Gamerscore” Achievements, especially if they’re clocking in at 20 points apiece.

Hardest Achievement: It's not the years honey... (40 pts.) Complete any level without dying, without invincibility. — Four. That’s the maximum number of health points you have with every character, and they’re depleted one heart-shaped unit at a time if you so much as trip over a snake. For those keeping count, that’s only four hits until you explode into a disgusting mess of fragmented plastic blocks, so make sure you’re paying attention to your health all the time if you plan on going 20 minutes without obliterating yourself. Just don’t try to heal yourself too close to a slippery cliff.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 7 (out of 10) — If you’re looking for a quick fix, Lego Indiana Jones can supply you with what you need, quickly. Unfortunately, after the initial play-through, you’ll probably be wanting more, but you’re going to have to work a little harder for it, exploring and finding secret areas in the process of picking up shiny objects. There are 18 missions, each taking around 15 minutes to complete, so in the course of a hardcore weekend, players who give it their all will walk away fairly satisfied.

Overall: 8 (out of 10) — It’s always a good thing when fun games dish out easy Achievements, and with most of Lego Indy revolving around finishing story missions, you don’t need to spend a bunch of time putting out extraneous effort to gain some impressive Gamerscore. Still, there are some tedious duds in here, so don’t go out of your way to get something that’s only going to frustrate you. It’s really not worth the anguish to go death-free.

Dragon Ball Z: Burst Limit

Best Achievement: Destructive Win! (5 pts.) Win a battle while changing or destroying the background. (Z Chronicles/Versus only) — Dragon Ball fans know all too well that scorching the Earth, among other planets, is a regular daily occurrence in creator Akira Toriyama’s universe. Destructive Win is kind of weak on the putting-out part of the deal, but we’re a huge proponent of cooking your opponent in a blazing Ki-blast inferno, only to come out the other side in space. You know, space? That’s where the planet was before you blew it up like a mini Death Star from the inside. This is awesome in itself, but adding Gamerscore to the deal is mint.

Worst Achievement: A Beginner Awakens! (5 pts.) Clear Basic tutorials. — Typically, The Scoreboard holds the Easiest Achievement slot for the brainless tutorials. Why should DBZ be any different? Burst Limit's tutorial is, without a doubt, the easiest tutorial on the planet, but it’s garnered itself a “Worst” award for making the player feel stupid. The lesson, which consists of about 30 seconds of text, is completed by moving your left stick when you're told and reading speech bubbles if you’re bored. Five points! You can keep it!

Just kidding. We’ll take it where we can get it.

Easiest Achievement: Battler (Default) (5 pts.) Play the Survival Trial (Default Drama). — Hungry? There’s no better time than starting up a Survival Trial to go nuke one of your favorite pizza pastries. Take your time, grab a java on the way back...the A.I. ain’t too bright. Honestly, all it takes for the Battler Achievement is starting a trial and getting a result — whether you win or lose is your call, so you can either fight it out until you win, or set down the controller while the confused computer-player circle-strafes you until it has an epiphany 30 seconds into the battle and realizes it can push its foot into your stomach. We chose the winner’s way out: munchies and Gamerscore.

Runner-Up: Bloodless Victory! (20 pts.) Win a battle without taking any damage. (Z Chronicles/Versus only) — Given how easy it is, we were shocked to find out that Bloodless Victory isn’t a five point–er. The simplicity of it comes from a little thing we like to call “exploitive action under desperate circumstances” — better known to you as cheating. Calm down: this isn’t the kind of cheat that’s going to wipe your Gamerscore and tarnish your precious Gamertag with a humiliating blemish. But if you’ve got the gall to turn on a second controller and clobber an unmanned player for a minute, you’ll be rolling in points. If you like, save yourself valuable seconds by depleting their health handicap before the match, you filthy cheater.

Hardest Achievement: Ultimate Z Fighter (100 pts.) Clear all of the Saga chapters at difficulty Z, with Z ranks. — Come on, Japan! What happened to the good ol’ days when our report cards were donned with A's through F's? Ever since your silly action games came along, we’ve been getting grounded for not getting an “S” grade, and now you’re adding a “Z”? You’re going to tear this family apart!

What makes this Achievement so tough is that difficulty Z doesn’t play around. That epiphany we mentioned earlier doesn’t happen — the A.I. already knows it can kill you, and it will. Relentlessly. It’s not the most technical fighter around, but if you want to brag about being a badass brawler, this is the Achievement that’ll prove it. We’re just going to go back to Street Fighter II.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 3 (out of 10) — If you aren’t dedicated to Burst Limit, you won’t get very far. You’ll get out of it what you put into it, so expect to spend some weary nights trading punches with Frieza, Bardock, and Broly to get the most Achievements out of this fast-paced fighter. Out of the gate, DBZ: BL tricks you, fooling you into thinking you’re scoring big, but the reality is, you’re only biting off bits of a much larger portion. Skip out unless you’ve got no responsibility in life.

Overall: 5 (out of 10) — If you manage to nab 200 points after a few hours of play, you can call it quits right there and be satisfied. Burst Limit offers a fair amount of unlockable badges for an equally fair amount of time, up until a point. By the time you think you've had enough, you’ve had enough. Only the hardcore should sink their teeth into the latest Dragon Ball Z.

The Bourne Conspiracy

Simplistic combat and linear levels? Who cares! The Bourne Conspiracy has a gang of Achievements that need your immediate unlocking attention. Rewards come in all shapes and sizes, but kicking dudes through windows or stabbing the chumps with screwdrivers take center stage over “complete this mission” and “don’t shoot like a maniac” any day of the week. How can you say no to a game that demands hundreds of ass beatings and feeds you fist fodder by the dozen? You can't!

Best Achievement: Treadstone Assassin (100 pts. — and a crazy bonus!) Completed all campaign missions on Assassin — Bourne’s adventure isn’t entirely difficult. It has its frustrating moments, but they’re easily surpassed on the highest difficulty, Assassin. This monster Achievement certainly feels like one, especially after you turn hundreds of nameless thugs’ faces into mashed potatoes. As an added bonus, High Moon Studios was gracious — sorry, make that smart enough to include retroactive-difficulty Achievements. Finished Assassin? You also get the other hundred points for the easier modes, so this is ultimately 20% of the game’s total Gamerscore!

Worst Achievement: Deadeye (25 pts.) Finished 3 missions with an accuracy of at least 90% — We can’t recall a single mission where this Achievement is even conceivably unlockable. If you’re a crack-shot, work on headshots; but if you’re a messy blind-firing maniac, you’d best keep that pistol in your trousers, where no one will get hurt. Your best bet is to get a 100% rating by squeezing off a shot or two, ensuring that they hit their mark. From here, you could theoretically play the rest of the stage with fisticuffs, but you’ll need to be one sneaky assassin if you plan on avoiding whizzing bullets. There are too many situations across each stage that have a heavy emphasis on long-range gunplay, so this junker of an Achievement is barely feasible. Pass.

Easiest Achievement: Adrenaline Junkie (15 pts.) Use three full bars of Adrenaline while driving through the streets of Paris — The single driving sequence in Conspiracy is pretty lengthy, and considering the amount of pedal you’ll be putting to the metal, we’re going to promise that your Adrenaline meter will fill up in time for you to press the time-slowing Y button. The only possible way to fail is by not going into the bullet-time–alike phase, but let’s admits it: slow motion makes you feel cool.

Hardest Achievement: World Traveler (30 pts.) Collect all Passports — Because of how much ass-whoopin’ you’ll be dishing out, you won’t be thinking about finding the shiny bunch of Passports littered around each level. Nor will you be using your Bourne-O-Vision (we know it’s called “Bourne Instinct,” but that’s way too cheesy) to find them — it’s a little tough to focus on finding scattered trinkets when bullets and batons are careening past you. No doubt, exploring gamers will find loads of these unfortunately misplaced legal documents, but certain situations require precision movements and prior knowledge to get ‘em.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 8 (out of 10) — By playing through on Assassin and keeping a keen eye out for the passports, you’ll naturally earn half of the game’s Achievements. A second go-‘round will probably unlock the rest of the specific combat-based Achievements. Conspiracy isn’t very long, but it’s worth more than a weekend for anyone who wants to eek out a good chunk of Gamerscore plunder.

Overall: 8 (out of 10) — Since he's the consummate kung fu badass, we should have expected Jason Bourne to be dropping his gloves every 30 seconds to break noses and kick fools off of buildings, but the pure amorality of Bourne Conspiracy’s Achievements has us in a kind of dilemma. Yeah, unlocking them is simple and fun enough, and it’s definitely a great addition to your Gamerscore, but the encouragement of hundreds of murders in exchange for a simple number and in-game pop-up kind of disturbs us deep down in the core of our souls. But hot-diggity-damn, do we love us some secret-agent Achieving.

Aces of the Galaxy

Best Achievement: Survivor (20 pts.) Complete 5 Levels without losing a life — This little guy right here is one of the more satisfying Achievements, next to netting your first five-star rating. It won’t hit you until you’ve done it, but when you realize that the enemies have failed to turn you into space-dust across five straight levels, you'll get pumped up. For extra self-praise, try going the extra mile to complete the four remaining levels without dying. Bring a friend to ease the struggle.

Worst Achievement: Hero of Vanguardia-7 (35 pts.) Earn 5 Stars on all 25 Levels on Hard — This is brutal enough as it is on the lower difficulties, and as you’ll soon find out, this game is unforgiving. You’re already on a set track, so you’re vulnerable at all times, and dying doesn’t exactly help your cause, nevermind keeping your eyes open for the magical purple planet-changer/level-select items in each level. It’s a hefty bag-o'-points, but this is some campaign-restarting lameness.

Easiest Achievement: Beat Mission 2 of any area on any mode to obtain this achievement. (5 pts.) Difficulty & rating does not matter. — Why are the easiest Achievements always so almost-worthless? Heck, this one’s so easy that the game will let you scale the difficulty. If you’ve got some homework or Internet surfing to do, switch the game to easy mode and cruise ‘til you get to Mission 2, paying half-attention so you don’t get blown up as quickly. Let it ride, and let the Achievement unlock itself.

Hardest Achievement: Invincible (30 pts.) Finish game without losing a life — If you’ve got someone who can cover your back and take damage for you (spaceships can “Tank,” too!), this isn’t as bad as you might think. But the evil enemy space-monsters want nothing more than to obliterate your innocent little space cruiser, and they will. There’s a lot to focus on, so don’t forget to look for the lethal invisi-aliens and avoid murderous asteroids. It’s harder than it sounds.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 6 (out of 10) — You’ll need to memorize a set few stages to get the hang of attack patterns so you don’t bite it early on. Completing the campaign won’t get you very far, but true space-aces will manage to suck a decent number of points from Aces of the Galaxy, though some of the more ludicrously tough Achievements will elude the pros for a while.

Overall: 5 (out of 10) — It’s not quite “Bullet Hell” tough, but the difficulty does ramp up, particularly when you select the harder modes. Aces of the Galaxy is a fun space shooter, but the Achievements are plain and boring. There’s little variety from “beat the game” and “beat the game with a friend,” but it’s fully profitable for those who plan on sticking with it. Unfortunately, most won’t.

Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3

Whether you’re blasting away scores of evil, faceless enemies, rescuing underfed POWs from their prisons, or getting killer multipliers for racking up sweet points, WotB: Commando 3 has a lot in store for Achievement lovers. Unfortunately, this Live Arcade title suffers from a serious case of “SGS” — Stupid Gamerscore Syndrome. Achievements with a point value of 7? Really? Wait, there’s another one worth 6! We love our twin-stick shooters, moreso when cartoony mercenaries are what we’re controlling, but this whole SGS thing is getting out of hand. We need to find a cure!

Best Achievement: Reckless Driver (20 pts.) Kill 40 enemies while in a vehicle. — In the first level, you’ll hop in an APC/Jeep-y vehicle, and while you’re blasting away buildings with its barrel-cannon, make sure you plow through infantry at top speed. Nailin’ 40 of the fools with your grill will take seconds, although the monstrous truck doesn’t really control well. But the unintended sideswiping will only benefit your slaughter-ific cause.

Worst Achievement: Sleuth (20 pts.) Find all of the Secret Areas in the game. — Secret Areas are secret areas, and while these aren't as ridiculous as, say, Castlevania's — i.e., you won’t be jumping through solid walls — you’ll need to keep your eyes peeled. There’s 10 in all, some with POWs in them, and you might want to keep a guide handy just in case. Remember: there’s no backtracking in this game, MSX-style.

Easiest Achievement: One Man Army (20 pts.) Kill 200 enemies. — Massacring 200 machinegun-toting jerks won’t take long — especially if you run over the endlessly spawning mercs without destroying their birthing-barn — and we recommend going solo and dragging out the first level. If you can dodge bullets, which is simple enough, you’ll be in the clear for some rifle-blasting, grenade-chucking carnage. Ah, now we’re back to the depressing killing-for-points amorality again. Aww, man.

Hardest Achievement: Mercenary (15 pts.) Complete the game on Suicide Mission difficulty. — If you didn't get the hint from the last 11 Scoreboards, bring a buddy for tougher difficulties. Real friends will be your bullet sponge when you can’t take the heat — of which there's plenty on Suicide Mission difficulty — and they’re there to waste groups of villainous dudes so you don’t need to expend your grenades. Without a friend or two, don’t expect to go far — your health is easily depleted, and there are more bad guys and, in turn, mad bullets. Godspeed, soldier.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 8 (out of 10) — Commando 3 has only five levels, and if you’ve got friends, expect to unlock 100-plus points in a single playthrough. Anything you miss will probably fall under the “secret area” category, since you’re likely to gloss over those and, in turn, miss some POWs. It’s a good, short romp, and after the first level, you should be pretty stoked about the unlocks.

Overall: 7 (out of 10) — We’re docking points for terribly numbered Achievements, but other than that, Commando 3 is a decent way to get a quick jump in your Gamerscore. It’s chaotic and fun, and when you think you should get an Achievement, you probably will. That, and you get an Achievement for icing dudes with a truck!

Oh, Ninja Gaiden... How we both love and loathe you. While it’s definitely one of the more fantastic games on the Xbox, the original Ninja Gaiden challenged us in a way we never thought games could. The frustration was there, sure, but you evolved as a player, honing your skills. You just don’t get that anymore.

Oh wait — you do. Ninja Gaiden II came out. Well, because we’re big ol’ sissies and wanted to stick with children’s Lego games and button-mashing Arcade shooters, we contracted one of the craziest Achievement whores on the OXM message board: Axe Argonian. Mr. Philip Vasto took it upon himself to submit an epic treatise about Itagaki’s latest (and last) Ninja Gaiden, but will the Achievements be enough to keep you interested beyond the slicing and dicing?

Blood isn’t the only thing you’ll be showering in.

Ninja Gaiden II

Ninja Gaiden has long been considered a game that's solely for the hardcore. Well, now that Ninja Gaiden's 360 debut is finally out, are its Achievements purely for the hardcore? Surprisingly, Itagaki has successfully done something that many developers have failed to do: he's made sure that every Achievement lover is pleased. Whether you're a guy who wants to just beat it once and collect everything on first romp, someone who wants to play through all the difficulties, or the hardest-of-the-hardcore who wants to be 1,000-for-1,000, Itagaki has ensured that no kind of Achievement whore is ignored. You're bound to leave even your first play-through with 600-plus points alone. I applaud Itagaki for making an Achievement list that suits Achievement lovers of all stripes.

Best Achievement: The Way of the Master Ninja (100 pts.) Complete the game on the Master Ninja difficulty. — This is by far one of the greatest accomplishments that can grace someone's gamertag. Master Ninja is hard. I mean VERY hard. You'll need skill, patience, and ninja balls to make it out alive. However, what makes this Ninja Gaiden II's best Achievement? The requirement of skill for this Achievement is applauded, but I'm referring to something greater than skill. I'm talking about the emotion of excitement that overwhelms you when get this Achievement. I mean, what can be a greater award than this mixed feeling of happiness and joy?

This is, to me, a very rare feeling to come up in Achievements. I've felt this only a few other times — like with Orange Box's Aperture Science Achievement and Halo 3's Overkill Achievement — but for an Achievement being this hard, I applaud you, Ninja Gaiden II. You have redefined the term "hardcore."

Worst Achievement: Any of the “Weapon Master” Achievements (5 pts. each) Complete the game using only a certain weapon. — Let me get this out of the way first. If you want to see the 1,000 next to the words “Ninja Gaiden II” on your profile, you'll have to beat this game 11 times at a minimum. That's right, 11 times! While I applaud Itagaki for his madness, I also curse this madness.

Who wants to beat the same game 11 times for 1,000/1,000 completion? I know I wouldn't, but there are some nutjobs (like me; yeah, I didn't want to beat this 11 times for 1,000/1,000, but I'm still doing it) that would play the same game 11 consecutive times just for the sake of seeing a four-digit number on their profile. The worst part is that completing the game with only one weapon will net you a measly 5 points. Not 100, not 50, but 5. Prepare to spend around 60 to 70 hours if you actually want to see that 1,000/1,000 in your profile. Yes, this means that you'll have to seclude yourself from the world and your friends by journeying into the mountains and meditating on this game...something like that.

Easiest Achievement: Any of the "Mastered Techniques" Achievements (5 pts. each) Successfully perform the techniques. — In layman's terms, you basically have to easily find scrolls that teach you new moves. It's almost like a tutorial so you can find them easily. However, I honestly thought that these Achievements went off like the 4th of July. They're scattered across the first few levels, and this boosts your gamerscore very quickly. They should rename all these Achievements "Complete the Tutorial." In fact, the actual Achievement descriptions make them sound harder than what they actually are.

Hardest Achievement: The Way of the Master Ninja (100 pts.) Complete the game on the Master Ninja difficulty. — Didn't I mention this earlier? This difficulty is just [censored] hard! Prepare for the hardest Achievement of 2008 and possibly of your life. Don't worry: we'll make sure your family gets your body in a Ninja-art coffin.

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 5 (out of 10) — To be honest, this paragraph will conclude with a mixed bag. By playing through the game on Acolyte (you'll want to) using only the Dragon Sword and getting nearly every other basic Achievement, you'll probably come out with 600-plus points. That's not bad at all. However, you'll be required to beat this game 10 more times for every Achievement that has the term "Complete the game" in it. However, it pleases my heart to say that Ninja Gaiden II has about 18 main story Achievements (many are secret Achievements). I guess Itagaki wanted to help out the gamer by putting a crapload of main story Achievements. Sadly, those Weapon Master Achievements are just inexcusable.

Overall: 10 (out of 10) — Before you panic, I'm giving Ninja Gaiden II a 10 for more than one reason. One of the main reasons is that Itagaki has done something that many developers fail to do: He took Achievement lovers and divided them into a few categories. Most people are going to leave this game with a wealthy 600-plus points. Others will leave with 700-plus points.

Few will finish with a full 1,000. However, the point is that Itagaki made sure that no matter what type of Achievement lover you are, you'll leave with a wealthy number of points. How many developers really do that in today's games? Most developers just lean toward the easy category. Others just lean toward the hardest-of-the-hardcore category. Itagaki gives everyone a chance to get a bucketload of points. No one is ignored. The other reason is from the hardcore gamer's perspective: this is hardcore crap!

Consider this one of 2008's toughest 1,000s. Not only will you need skill, but you'll need enough patience for a full 1,000/1,000. In the mixture of all these things, this Achievement list deserves a 10. I honestly hope that more developers take this as an example for the future. I hope that they'll follow in Itagaki's footsteps and make sure that in the end, no one is ignored. Let's just hope we don't have to play 11 times for a full 1,000 next time around.

Put that one in the books, folks, because The Scoreboard was an epic one this week. Big props to Axe Argonian for his epic contribution to this week’s edition: tackling Ninja Gaiden II (11 times) is no small feat. If you want to be King of the Intertron for 15 minutes, why not send us your own Achievement-focused review? (Or disgusted hate mail!) Come on now, it’ll be fun. Just don’t be stickin’ your nose into The Incredible Hulk, Grid, Battlefield: Bad Company or Alone in the Dark — we get first dibs on those bad boys!

See you next time, Internet. By then you should have a heftier Gamerscore, since you followed our in-depth critiques and advice!