Unwitting professional thief Charles Deckard is one unlucky dude. Or is he? As Deckard, you’ve been charged with the score of a lifetime — to five-finger a mysterious box from a Manhattan museum. The catch? Your client asks you to open the container before you nab it. Why? You’re about to find out as you discover that the vessel is none other than the fabled Pandora’s Box.

Suddenly and unstoppably, the entire museum begins to shake. Cracks split the floors and ceilings, art is thrown about, and the Box emits a Luxor Hotel–like beam that shoots straight upward, ripping a hole through the roof and creating a swirling tornado that sucks out paintings, people, and debris. Oh, and scores of history’s most famous mythical creatures are unleashed, including werewolves, gryphons, and golems, all hell-bent on destroying anyone and everything around them. (Wouldn’t you go stir-crazy after a few millennia inside the Box?)

Eventually escaping into the street, you’ll find werewolves prowling for fresh meat, gryphons snaring people and cars and hauling them off into the earlymorning sky, and buildings toppling. Seeking refuge inside a church cathedral, you’ll bear witness to creepy-crawly dudes running up the walls and ceilings as you wonder what the hell is going on. Later, you’ll end up back outside and come face-to-face with a 50-foot-tall golem — a wicked monstrosity made up of chunks of building and debris. And that’s just the first level. Good luck!

It may be yet another Unreal Engine 3 game, but as long as the tech can crank out chaos like this, who are we to argue? In fact, here’s a tip: before even watching, let alone playing Legendary, pop a few Prozac and wear earplugs — because the first level alone is like cracking open the top of your skull, pouring lighter fluid on your brain, lighting a match, and then screaming at the melting matter. And we mean that in a good way.