It sounded like a plum assignment: Rip a ferocious path of shopping value from one end of San Francisco to the other, armed only with the Xbox Live Diamond Card — “your ticket to discounts and promotions at retailers across the country.” Offering insider deals on satellite TV, junk food, golfing greens fees, frozen meat, yachtclub memberships — even new cars! — the Diamond Card represents a real-world reward for all those virtualworld Achievements…free!

Well, it used to be. Gamers must now pay $6.95/year for the privilege of the Xbox Live Diamond membership, and Gamertags no longer appear embossed on the face of the card — a surreal geek perk of the original run of cards. But, hey, what’s $7 if it saves you $70, right? The Xbox Live Diamond Card website assures us that the card pays for itself “in just one or two uses!”

Well, we know that, and we figure Microsoft knows that. But do the employees and managers of all the businesses that signed up with the program know that? We assumed they would, and that the card placed on a little silver tray at the end of dinner would be met with a courteous nod at the very least, and preferably a deep bow or shoe-shine. So, armed with my Xbox Live Diamond Card and a photographer who promised to work in exchange for doughnuts, I set out to show San Francisco what was in my wallet.

TURBO RIDE

Our first stop was the Turbo Ride — it’s like a paint-can shaker, but for people — at San Francisco‘s tourist-laden Fisherman‘s Wharf. I whipped out the Xbox Live Diamond Card and handed it to Les, the guy at the counter, who stared at it with the sort of blank expression usually associated with patients under general anesthesia. I asked him if he’d ever seen the card before, to which he replied, “Uh, negative sir,” shaking his head.

“I’m supposed to get a discount here if I use this card,” I said. He immediately picked up a phone and called the manager.

A small line was forming behind us. A man at the back of the line with a young child asked Les if the dinosaur-themed ride was “scary.” Les shrugged. It was, if nothing else, an efficient transaction, and the man walked away with his son while we waited. I heard a shout from somewhere behind the counter: “We’re looking it up on the Internet!”

A few moments later, the manager emerged from the back office waving a piece of paper. She correctly identified our discount as being a classic buy-one-ticket-get-one-free jobber. As it turns out, I was supposed to have printed out a coupon from the Xbox Live Diamond Card website, but the manager was gracious and gave us our discount anyway.

While our first encounter wasn’t, you know, a fantastic experience, I wielded the card and I got my discount. To be fair, the Xbox Live Diamond Card site never claimed that the card would be met with gushing enthusiasm, or that employees would be so thrilled that they’d powder your asscheeks after you left the restroom. But, you know, one can dream.

THE WAX MUSEUM

Still somewhat optimistic about the powers I wielded with the Diamond Card, I approached two friendly and upbeat young women at the cash registers in front of the Wax Museum down the street. “How many?” asked the one at the first register.

“Just one,” I replied, “but one with this.” I made a dramatic gesture while placing the Xbox Live Diamond Card on the counter.

She picked it up, flipped it over, and eyed it with curiosity. “What’s this?”

“It’s the Xbox Live Diamond Card.”

“It looks cool.”

“I’m supposed to get a discount if I use this card.”

“Here?”

“Here.”

“Is it a credit card?”

“No. It’s a membership card.”

“Oh.”

Her counter buddy took a crack at it. She confirmed that it looked cool, and peered at me through the orange plastic window in the center. It was inexplicably touching.

“Jennifer,” it turned out, had an Xbox 360 and frequently played Rock Band on Xbox Live, and she still hadn’t heard about the card.

“So,” I challenged her, “how are you going to find out what my discount is supposed to be?”

“You’re supposed to tell me!” she said, throwing her hands up playfully and smiling.

CARL'S JUNIOR

Feeling a bit discouraged at this point, we broke for lunch at Carl‘s Jr., where my pre-printed two-for-one coupon was eyed with suspicion for a moment, and then accepted. Though this represented a technical victory, I was nonetheless crushed — I had hoped that she would at least have asked to see my card to validate the discount. Panicked, I thrust the card at her.

“Ever see this before?” I asked.

She looked over her left and right shoulders, as if she sensed trouble and was checking for backup. “No,” she replied as she handed me my receipt and muttered a quick thank-you.

EQUINOX FITNESS CLUB

Our next stop — appropriately enough — was the tony Equinox Fitness Club in San Francisco’s ritzy Financial District. I told Sandy at the front counter that I was very interested in finding out exactly what kind of membership discount I could get if I used my Xbox Live Diamond Card.

“Sorry, I don’t know what that is,” she told me, after briefly glancing at the sliver of plastic. I noticed that she didn’t ask; I figured she probably did not want to know.

“You’ve never seen this card?” I held it closer to her.

Sandy flinched. “No, never heard of it.”

My companion had been taking pictures of my encounter with Sandy when a lanky gentleman — apparently spring-loaded — shot out of his office in the back.

“You guys can’t take pictures here,” he told us. Sandy took the card from my hand and showed it to him; he claimed that he’d never heard of the card, either.

I explained the Xbox Live Diamond Card to our assailant. I told him about the website and the offer of “special membership pricing.” He smiled politely and said firmly, “Sir, I’m a membership advisor, and I know what we take and what we don’t take. And we don’t take that card.”

KRISPY KREME

After that crushing defeat, we slunk down to Krispy Kreme in South San Francisco, where an intrepid server Keith came the closest to a positive ID on the card.

“I’ve seen a Passport card before, but not this one,” he told us, pointing out the small logo in the lower right-hand corner that read “Passport Lifestyle.” Then, smirking at the Gamertag on the card, he asked, “Are you General Duckworth?”

I told him that, indeed, I was, and as such I demanded to know what my discount would be. Keith cupped his chin thoughtfully: “I believe that if you buy a dozen doughnuts, you get another dozen glazed doughnuts for free.”

PRECIOUS STONES

It wasn’t a bad way to end the day — a minor success and a mouthful of doughnuts. It was disappointing, however, that Microsoft seems to have missed an opportunity to offer gamers and Xbox fans something more than a plastic equivalent to those charity coupon books that act as ballast in the glove compartment. But I did learn that it pays to print out discount offers from the website and take them along with you, even if you’re not specifically instructed to do so.

And I also learned that, should I ever have my Xbox Live Diamond Card privileges revoked, I can always fall back to the Internet. Out of curiosity, when I got home from my adventures, I typed “Krispy Kreme coupon” into Google. I immediately found a printable coupon, redeemable by anyone: Buy one dozen doughnuts, get one dozen glazed free.

EPILOGUE

After our shopping expedition, we contacted Diamond program sponsor Passport Unlimited for more info. Steve Esau, Passport’s VP of Sales, handled our follow-up questions.

OXM: Our writer found that most retailers did not know about the Xbox Live Diamond Card. How are retailers usually educated about the program?
SE: It's important to reference the Xbox Live Diamond web site for detail on how each participating business is prepared to honor their discount or offer. In some cases, offers are available only at the online stores of some national retailers. The company that produces the Xbox Live Diamond Program has a network of businesses who offer discounts to their members, who are trained to recognize their logo, which appears on the Xbox Live Diamond Card in the lower right-hand corner.

OXM: Why does the card now require a $7 fee when it used to be free to sign up?
SE: The Diamond Card was initially offered to 12-month Xbox Live subscribers as a loyalty program. In March 2008, the program was opened to the entire Xbox community and the subscription requirement was removed. The $6.95 fee covers the fulfillment of a membership card to each member.