QUESTION: If a grenade were thrown at your squad, would someone really attempt to pick it up and throw it back at the enemy before it detonated?

ANSWER: Maybe, if their instinct told them to; but Lt. Col. Hank Keirsey, military advisor for the Call of Duty series, suggests that’s not a soldier’s first reaction: “The most basic human instinct is to run like hell and dive in a hole if you can.” Navy SEAL and Rogue Warrior inspiration Richard Marcinko agrees that it’s not something you’re likely to see covered in boot camp. “Throwing the grenade back is a reflexive reaction, not something you would train to do,” he says.

Okay, but let’s say your instinct did tell you to chuck it back. What then? Keirsey does the math: “If your opponent has not ‘cooked off’ the grenade, you have two to four seconds before the fuse goes bang and thousands of zinging, white-hot fragments turn your flesh to hamburger. So if the grenade landed close to your hand, and you were especially nimble, and there was no place to dive — yes, you might grab it and throw it. But I can’t recall a recent account of a guy throwing a grenade back.”

Need more discouragement? Marcinko brings up the complicating variables: “Not all grenades are the same and there are lots of questions: How long is the fusing mechanism on the grenade? What type of grenade is it? Fragmentation? Pressure? Gas? Smoke? Flash-bang? Concussion? Lots of different options.” All of which will likely get you killed.

QUESTION: Can you gene-splice your way to superhuman abilities?

ANSWER: Turns out that Andrew Ryan was way, way ahead of his time. “Gene therapy is a relatively young field that has shown some promise for the treatment of hereditary diseases,” says College of the Holy Cross chemistry professor Dr. Jude Kelley. “The simple idea is to replace a faulty gene with a more functional one.” OXM’s own “Ask Dr. Gamer” columnist, Dr. Frederick Chen, concurs: “We’ve only recently mapped the human genome, so manipulating it is still a ways off. Superpowers will probably have to wait until after we fix congenital defects, chronic illnesses, and cancer.”

So, wait — you mean once we knock out Alzheimer’s, ALS, and the real nasty stuff, Cyclone Trap plasmids are just a matter of time? Not so fast. “Gene splicing toward superpowers would require replacing normal genes with superpowered ones,” explains Dr. Kelley. “You would need to either borrow or create genes that grant superpowers. Real-life genetic mutations usually do more harm than good, so we don’t have the raw material we would need for these genes.“

Give this field of research some time, though, and “it’s not too farfetched to think of gene therapy granting everyday people what would seem like superpowers to us today,” says Dr. Kelley. “These would be things like immunity to diseases, slower aging, resistance to toxins, things like that.” Being poison-proof sounds cool — but spider-walking on walls and shooting fire from our fingertips isn’t on the agenda.

QUESTION: Will playing drums in games train you to be a drummer in real life?

ANSWER: “Rock Band has made playing music more accessible to people,” admits drummer Paul Abbott. “But the step from the Rock Band drum set to an actual drum set…well, that’s a big step.” Veteran drum instructor Brian Andres agrees that the two are “distant cousins” and doesn’t feel playing the game trains you to be a real drummer, just like “taking a breathalyzer doesn’t make you a better trumpet player.” However, Andres does see the Beat and Fill Trainers in Rock Band 2 as having “some legitimacy” — at least more than simply following the cues of someone else’s song.

Both agree that the biggest problem is that game drums simply don’t feel or respond like real drums. “Even the best electronic sets don’t translate into low-latency playability or the feel of a real acoustic kit,” says Abbott, so the little rubber pads connected to a 360 don’t stand a chance of teaching players how real drums will feel. Andres likens using the Rock Band 2 kit to playing “digital Whack-A-Mole.” Andres and Abbott both acknowledge that music games are young, and they think the gear can evolve to offer a more realistic feel, but right now, even velocity-sensitive kits aren’t close enough to really prepare you for a real drum kit. After all, you’re not even learning to play drums in the game; you’re learning to follow patterns, which isn’t as constructive as finding your own way around a kit. “It’s not a tool for teaching drumming,” Andres concludes, “but it is a fun game — and it’s another way for people to enjoy music.”

QUESTION: In a stealth/infiltration situation, can a commando really hide in the shadows to avoid detection from a nearby enemy?

ANSWER: Turns out it’s “very easy” to become one with the darkness. “The key is to move slowly and steadily, not in quick dashes,” advises Marcinko. “Noise is certainly a factor that has advantages and consequences. Use ambient noise to mask movement and be aware of wild game that can alert others to your presence.”

QUESTION: Can a commando quickly snap an enemy's neck with his bare hands?

ANSWER: Yes, but Marcinko calls it “a tactic of last resort. Though it can be done, it can be noisy — either the act itself or the body dropping. Being that close to the enemy also invites its own vulnerabilities: Murphy’s Law can and will be present.”

QUESTION: When do we get lightsabers? How about the Covenant energy sword?

ANSWER: Patience, padawan. “The real difficulty with energy swords is fi guring out what the blade is made of,” offers Dr. Kelley. “They can’t be made of light alone, since beams of light don’t repel one another. It’s also impossible with current technology to get light to do a U-turn at some specified point in empty space, like the tip of the blade.”

However, that’s not to say we can’t give it a shot with what we’ve got lying around the lab. “One technique would involve very rapidly changing the focal point of a pulsed laser along a set distance,” explains Dr. Kelley. “At each point, the laser would ionize the surrounding air, producing small plasmas. Create enough of these small plasma balls in a line, and you have a blade. The blade would not be able to block another similar blade, but it could conceivably slice through objects, given enough input power.”

More power is always better — but you can forget about clipping a lightsaber to your belt. “This setup would require a huge, non-portable power source,” says Dr. Kelley. “The blade would make a lot of noise, and it’d be extremely bright and extremely dangerous — likely blinding or burning anyone you pointed it at.” (That includes you.) “In short,” says Dr. Understatement, “we’re a ways off.”

QUESTION: Could you really bust open a crate by repeatedly hitting it with a crowbar?

ANSWER: “No way,” says shipping expert Shannon Taylor. “Not only do you have to pry it open, but quite often you have to unscrew it, too. If you continued to hit the crate, it would eventually split. However, only a piece at a time, and nothing would fall out. Crates typically have two-by-fours in the that hold them together. They aren’t meant to be opened easily.” Customs-house broker Daniel Nolan agrees: “If you tried to smash a crate with a crowbar, you’d be there a while. Any decent shipping crate would hold up against a crowbar in most cases.”

QUESTION: Do soldiers regularly take weapons, ammo, and other supplies from the corpses of their enemies?

ANSWER: “Only if they are working behind enemy lines,” says Marcinko. “Of course, there are no defined lines in Iraq or Afghanistan — the ‘war on terror’ is an open field. SpecOps guys do it to make sure they have supplies if they’re doing true clandestine or covert ops. With terrorists, I’d take it to deny their use by someone else. A seasoned operator will booby-trap what he can’t carry.”

In more conventional fights, Keirsey says some enemy gear might be “thrown into the cargo hold of a supply Humvee, headed to the rear to get tagged,” but he suggests that soldiers are far more likely to hold onto the gear they know best. “Your weapon is the girl you brought to the dance,” he tells us. “You have babied it, cleaned it, tuned it, made it fit your style, zeroed it perfectly. Why on earth would you want to pick up some loser-slob’s piece? It didn’t seem to do him much good.”

QUESTION: How quickly does a Medkit work, and how much can one really boost your health?

ANSWER: “Most real-life medkits contain aspirin and Band-Aids — hardly the stuff to replenish your life-energy bar by 50% or more,” says Dr. Chen. “However, there are a few medications that produce near-miraculous results. Naloxone reverses the effects of narcotic drugs and can awaken someone from the near-death of a heroin overdose. And an epinephrine injection can be instantly life-saving for someone with a severe allergic reaction. These drugs work in seconds, but they usually aren’t helpful for gunshot wounds and other trauma.”

QUESTION: Do zombies exist? If so, is the zombie thing contagious?

ANSWER: This one was so hot, our expert called an expert. Dr. Kelley consulted with Steven Hatch, M.D., of the infectious-disease department at the University of Massachusetts Memorial Medical Center, and they came back with “a qualified yes. There is one disease in particular that the whole zombie thing might have been based on.” African Sleeping Sickness, spread by tsetse flies, has a range of unnerving symptoms, including “a change in personality, slurred speech, irritability, and difficulty walking. People with the disease tend to sleep all day and have insomnia at night.” Professor Sanjeev Krishna of St George’s, University of London, and the Wellcome Trust, put it this way: “This infection carries nightmarish qualities, reducing many of its victims to a zombie-like state before they go into a coma and die.”

But wait! Dr. Kelley has more good news. There are also prion diseases, in which a misfolded protein in the brain messes up neighboring proteins. “People with such diseases could conceivably reach a zombie-like state — i.e., becoming extremely lethargic and having blank expressions,” he says. Sure enough, a prion disease called kuru showed up in the late 1950s, due to the funeral practices of the Fore tribe in Papua, New Guinea — which involved some cannibalism as a way to reclaim the deceased’s lifeforce. “As it turns out,” Dr. Kelley reports, “eating the brains and marrow of people who die from this disease is a good way to get it yourself.”

Okay, so we’ll eat healthier. But what about that classic Romero breaking-out-of-coffins thing? Do those zombies exist? Dr. Chen has that one covered: “No, thank goodness.” (We’re still hoarding ammo just in case.)

QUESTION: Would a barrel of fuel really explode if you shot it? What about a vehicle?

ANSWER: Depends on how you shoot it, and with what. In a drum filled with gasoline, “the vapor is more volatile than the fuel, and it needs a spark to ignite the fuel,” says Marcinko. If the bullet scraping against the metal wall creates that spark, you might get the barrel to catch, but it’s not likely.

“With a vehicle,” says Marcinko, “there are more metal parts that can cause the friction or spark to get sufficient ignition.” Keirsey says he’s not so sure, since gas tanks are generally designed specifically to avoid that kind of thing. “I’ve seen a large number of rounds fired into commercial vehicles and have yet to see one erupt into a Hollywood fireball,” he tells us, but concedes that it’s “definitely possible.”

One way to make it more possible: make sure you pack the right explosive ammo. “Tracer rounds bring their own spark,” suggests Marcinko. “An old rule of thumb would be one tracer round every fifth round. But if you want to deny your location, don’t use tracers because the enemy can see where they came from on their way to a target.” In other words, better make sure your enemy will be taken out by whatever you’re blowing up.

QUESTION: Can a human being really do a "double-jump"?

ANSWER: “As much as I’d like for it to be true, a double jump as depicted in videogames is really not possible,” says Wushu master Jarik Sikat, who defines a double jump as “the ability to jump in mid-air. When we observe the human action of jumping, our bodies are exerting a greater force against the ground than the force of gravity pulling us to Earth. When that force is exerted, we leave the ground. As we rise into the air, the force of the Earth’s gravity slows us and pulls us back down. If our bodies were to ‘double jump’ in mid-air or at the apex of the jump, we would still need a surface against which we could exert a downward force greater than the force of pulling down on our bodies — but alas, that surface is absent.”

But…ninjas! “Unfortunately, there isn’t any sort of martial or acrobatic technique to overcome this,” says Sikat. “Imagine trying to bounce a ball against the air so that it comes back to you. It’s just not possible.” Dr. Chen points out that parkour runners are the closest thing to seeing a human being double jump, but even we’ll concede that Faith from Mirror’s Edge springing off a wall is not the pure cheat of physics we were hoping to find.

QUESTION: Would a commando really infiltrate a building by crawling through the ventilation shafts? Can an adult actually even fit in one of those, and if so, is it possible to move undetected through a building?

ANSWER: It’s possible, but Marcinko doesn’t consider it a good option. “Insertion and extractions are very critical points in every mission. Sewer systems are roomier and dirtier, so no one goes near them for guarded access, but they, of course, only get you into a building, not through a building.”

Still, if you’ve determined the ventilation system is the only way to go, you’d better not weigh much and carry even less. Marcinko says you’ll have to be of “slight build” and would need to leave most of your gear behind since weapons and packs could easily get snagged. “The hangers that hold the ventilation systems were not designed to hold the weight of a combatant. Getting in the system is one process, finding a vent in the target area big enough to get out is another — and getting out can leave you vulnerable and exposed.” And if he wouldn’t try it, neither would we.

QUESTION: Do werehouses really stack crates so you can climb them?

ANSWER: Not since the invention of shelves, says Nolan. “Most warehouses I’ve seen or worked in mainly use pallet racking and shelving for storage of heavy crates,” he describes. “The pallet racks are arranged so you can easily drive and maneuver a forklift or other piece of loading equipment, so there’s a good amount of space in between them. They usually won’t go terribly high either, for obvious reasons — you don’t want a two-ton crate crashing down on someone.” The only items likely to be stacked on the floor are those on their way in or out; they won’t be there long and they won’t be stacked more than two high. And they certainly won’t be conveniently placed so you could scramble up them to the manager’s office to grab the blue keycard. “You could probably climb one,” admits Nolan, “but it wouldn’t get you anywhere but up, and more than likely not to the ceiling or rafters.”

QUESTION: How many guns can a soldier actually carry?

ANSWER: Forget those games where you collect nine or ten weapons, all of which are magically hidden somewhere. In fact, forget the number altogether. “The number of guns is not as important as the number of rounds of ammunition that is carried,” explains Marcinko. “A practical loadout would be one assault weapon, one suppressed weapon, and one secondary or backup weapon, augmented with comms, grenades, and a functional knife (a tool and a weapon combined). Ten weapons with ammunition cannot be logistically supported on one human frame! Reality kicks in when there are no bullets in the gun.”

Keirsey agrees with the light load, offering that soldiers usually carry “only one long gun and a pistol at most. Some outfits will hang a shotgun on their kit if they are doing breaching. A boot knife or a K-bar is on your kit if things really go to crap, but a soldier is already carrying far too much equipment as it is to strap on any additional guns.”

QUESTION: How close are we to creating portal technology?

ANSWER: Dr. Kelley put it down on paper for us — that is, if space itself were a piece of paper. “One way to travel across the page is to ‘walk’ along the surface,” he explains. “Another, more clever way would be to fold the paper over so the opposite sides are touching, and cut a hole through the overlapping sheets, creating a portal. Walk through, and you are on the other side of the sheet.” Great! So why don’t we just get some really big scissors? “The problem here is bending space to that degree,” says Dr. Kelley. “Some people have postulated that black holes do such a thing, but unfortunately for us, the gravitational forces around a black hole are not something our frail bodies could readily survive. It would be a one-way trip at best, and we probably wouldn’t be recognizable on the other side — if there is one.” And despite pop-culture fears about the Large Hadron Collider creating a rift in the space-time continuum, we haven’t made one yet.

QUESTION: Can you increase magical powers with a potion?

ANSWER: “The ‘little blue vials’ do exist,” says herbalist and priestess Bryn Truett-Chavez. “They work on several levels, depending on the ingredients in the potion, as well as how they are prepared and blended.” Consider this: Your left brain tells you “that’s not possible,” and it’s usually quite loud. But your right brain is a lot less rigid about these sort of things; it’s open to seeing and experiencing the aspects of life beyond the physical. Meditation can do something similar, opening your mind and helping you find your spiritual center, but a potion is certainly another avenue. The ingredients in a potion crafted for this purpose will quiet the practical left half of the brain to let the right brain work its, well, magic.

Truett-Chavez says a proper brew “can increase all of the user’s capabilities — physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. These are the faculties employed in the use of magic in its simplest, purest forms.” Just don’t expect an instant power-up: real-life elixirs usually take 10 to 15 minutes to kick in.

QUESTION: Can bands really turn crappy gigs into winning ones if one of the members utterly fails and the rest of the band just tries harder?

ANSWER: Yes, but you have to be a really badass band. For instance, during the soundcheck at a July 27, 2007, gig in San Jacinto, California, Kiss rhythm guitarist and vocalist Paul Stanley inconveniently had a heart attack. While paramedics were busy temporarily stopping and restarting Stanley’s 190-bpm heart, bassist Gene Simmons, guitarist Tommy Thayer, and drummer Eric Singer still managed to perform 14 songs for the fans, some of which were invited on-stage to help out.

But of course, they were already a man down when they took the stage. What about when you lose a member in the middle of a gig? No stranger to extreme living, The Who drummer Keith Moon mixed huge amounts of brandy with strong tranquilizers before a November 20, 1973, show at San Francisco’s Cow Palace. A little over an hour into the show, Moon completely collapsed during “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” only to be revived with a cortisone shot a half-hour later. Pete Townshend physically wrestled him back onto the drum throne, where he promptly slumped over the toms a second time. As roadies carried Moon offstage, Townshend asked the audience for Star Power. “Can anybody play the drums?” he said without a hint of humor — quickly adding, “I mean someone good!”

That someone turned out to be 19-year-old audience member Scot Halpin, who had bought his ticket from a scalper earlier that day. After a friend boasted of his skills — in fact, Halpin hadn’t touched the drums for about a year — he was handed a pair of sticks and a shot of brandy to calm his nerves. “I’m in complete shock,’’ Halpin recalled later. “Then I got really focused, and Townshend said to me: ‘I’m going to lead you. I’m going to cue you.’” A few sloppy songs and 15 literal minutes of fame later, Halpin took a bow with his temporary bandmates. “I played long enough with them that no one booed and no one threw anything at the stage,’’ he said. Halpin went on to pursue a career in music and the arts; he passed away last year, but you can see footage from that epic night at http://tinyurl.com/thewhopassout. Long live rock.