The dangers of mixing business with pleasure are well-known, but is the same true in co-op gaming? OXM contributor Mitch Dyer and his lifelong best friend Derrek Lucas tested their bromantic bond by joining up for five co-op titles they’d never played together before on Xbox Live. A 20-year friendship hangs in headsetted balance.

ASSASSIN'S CREED: BROTHERHOOD

Mitch and Derrek test their bond in “Alliance,” Brotherhood’s intimate 2v2v2 multiplayer mode. Who lives? Who dies? Who hides in the hay?

MITCH: Playing “Alliance” with Derrek was the videogame equivalent of watching my son grow into a man. I’d played plenty of Brotherhood multiplayer online already, and could tell he envied my Level-30 skills. As he stabbed unsuspecting doctors and knuckle-sandwiched conspicuous courtesans (while I scored points in hay bales like a coward), Derrek blossomed into some sort of super assassin.

DERREK: Both Mitch and I love Brotherhood, so when we formed a team of two we knew we would dominate. We were wrong. It didn’t take long to realize that even though we were both good at the game individually, we needed to give this “teamwork” thing a shot if we wanted to take out the competition. With one of us always staying behind the other, we picked up some quick points by taking down unsuspecting challengers. I took it very personally when someone punched or stabbed my best friend, hunting them down and leaving their beaten, bloody body as a message: NOBODY hurts my bro and gets away with it.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Unbreakable bond.

SPLINTER CELL CONVICTION

Five chapters, two guys, one mission: Don’t ruin this for the other dude

MITCH: My appreciation of Derrek as a Conviction co-op partner was contingent on how we played with one another. Had we both been superstar secret agents, Splinter Cell’s co-op campaign would have been a bust. Sure, simultaneous takedowns and stealthy teamwork were fun, but I felt we enjoyed each other’s incompetence most. We laughed when we alerted a cadre of enemies armed to the teeth, and jointly scoffed at failures, like when I idiotically leapt in front of a camera and failed a mission (again). Hugs and laughs galore!

DERREK: In my first encounter with Conviction, I played as I would most single-player games: I ran into a giant crowd with a big gun and hoped to come out on top. I don’t recommend this tactic in a co-op stealth game. When we finally overcame Mitch’s game-killing lag issues, I could tell he was justifiably annoyed with my playing style. It was minutes into the campaign and already every enemy was aware of our presence. When we passed the first mission, however, we adjusted our play styles to complement each other and excelled. Unfortunately, the game itself eventually wore on our patience. We were both frustrated to the point that we wanted to quit playing when Conviction overwhelmed us with glitches — like when it took away our ability to run away while throwing an infinite amount of enemies at us. We really should have quit while we were ahead.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Keep calm and carry on. 

LARA CROFT AND THE GUARDIAN OF LIGHT

Celebrating Co-dependence Day, one miscommunication at a time

MITCH: I wish we’d played Guardian of Light locally rather than over Xbox Live. This is a game that requires a lot of communication, especially when gathering all the hidden, weapon-unlocking collectibles. It’s tough to explain the intricacies of a climbing/wall-running/tightrope-walking puzzle when Derrek could only hear my directions. I wanted to be able to point to the TV and tell Derrek, “Go here, not there.” That would have alleviated tension in situations when we both died or got stuck because he couldn’t articulate instructions. We celebrated some great moments of teamwork when one of us solved a particularly tough puzzle, but the latter half of the game is so dense with explosives and enemies that it became all too easy to kill Derrek. I ended up scorching the Earth and he was always among my victims. My bad!

DERREK: I was immediately issued the short end of the stick when Totec, the fierce Mayan warrior, became “my guy.” Watching Mitch run around as the nimbler Lara, shooting all the enemies with her fancy-shmancy guns made me feel infinitely inferior as I hurled a bunch of spears in all directions. But I trusted him. I knew, despite all my character’s shortcomings, we were a strong team...or so I thought. By the end of GoL, our patience dissipated, as did our communication. It got to the point where we were consumed with blaming each other for failing puzzles that neither of us could figure out, and teamwork became a thing of the past. Imagine my heart sinking as Mitch left me at the mercy of a T-Rex while he gathered optional red-skull collectibles.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: It’s complicated. 

CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS

Two dead presidents vs. infinite undead

MITCH: The Black Ops Betrayal was an event that will forever color my friendship with Derrek. Our Nazi Zombies session revealed a side of him so dark it still makes me physically uncomfortable. But now I know the kind of best friend he truly is. When zombies overwhelmed the area, I tried to keep us alive. At one point, I even risked running toward the horde to stock up on savior ammo. Derrek fled. I died in the Pentagon basement abandoned, afraid, and alone. I’d trusted this guy with my life for nearly 20 years up to this point. His unmatched skill with a shotgun is the primary reason why. Now I’ll probably have horrible flashbacks every time I encounter Richard Nixon’s face — it was the last thing I saw before Derrek slipped behind those shuttering doors to save himself.

DERREK: It started out nicely. I covered one half of a room — while Mitch covered the other — taking out undead as they demolished our defenses, while always making sure that some sneaky zombie wasn’t trying to make an easy meal out of my buddy. Our ammo was stocked up and the zombies were falling as fast as they spawned. Everything was going swimmingly. The only thing that could possibly go wrong…was me. We were clearing a room and getting ready to move on to the next, but before I could process Mitch’s suggestion to “wait up,” I flipped a switch that ended up separating us by an elevator door…and then half the map. I was soon forced to listen to my best friend being eaten alive. Guess it’s true that some mistakes you never stop paying for. I’m so sorry, Mitch.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Seek couples counseling immediately!

HALO: REACH

Legendary’s more likely to make friendships history than a legend

MITCH: Knowing that Derrek has a long-standing and completely irrational fear of ostriches, I went out of my way to crush the birds in Reach’s early areas. After that, I’ll admit I gave up on cooperation. I dawdled behind Derrek as he belted out orders, enemy locations, and brilliant tactics. Why? Because Legendary is hard, man. The first encounter with Elites drained my enthusiasm entirely. So, much to my pal’s dismay, I tried to make for memorable moments we could look back on fondly: “Remember that time I stole the Ghost you worked so hard to jack?” “Wasn’t it funny when I drove that forklift into a Brute and it blew us up?” Instead, rage and profanity flowed through my headset. I just wanted to make him happy, y’know? Clearly, someone needed to lighten up — and it wasn’t this fun-lovin’ good-timer, I’ll tell you that much.

DERREK: I was bamboozled into thinking Reach was a co-op venture. Oh, Mitch put up a good front, offering to help me eradicate any scary ostriches we came across. I was grateful for that. As soon as we came across any kind of resistance, however, I died. Now, Legendary is hard — even with a crack team of four, Halo is no cakewalk — but if you’re playing with just Mitch, you’re playing alone. There we were under heavy fire, while I urged him to follow me to where we’d have a better chance at taking out Elites. His only reply was the sound of gentle keystrokes as he chatted to various people on AIM. Meanwhile, his Spartan soldier remained motionless behind a big rock. When Mitch finally chose to rejoin in the world-saving, it seemed like his main objective was to block my path with explosive forklifts, and to make it easier for me to get killed. Thanks for nothing, buddy.

RELATIONSHIP DIAGNOSIS: Time to see other people...in matchmaking.