“Energy drink” used to mean “coffee.” Now it’s a euphemism for “high-caffeine soft drink brimming with various types of sugars, weird ingredients like taurine and guarana, and occasionally, a few useful vitamins.” Every so often, Dan (the Connoisseur) and Corey (the Junkie) will hold an informal, simultaneous taste-test in their search for the perfect power beverage — it's their Energy Quest. It's not scientific, but it is honest. And it might be extreeeeeeeeeeme.

Product: NOS
11-ounce bottle
drinknos.com

Dan “The Connoisseur” Amrich

Describe the flavor: Imagine Sunny Delight, but a little more tart. It’s an intense, sweet citrus flavor, with a mix of orange and passionfruit at the forefront.

Irritability (stomach): A tiny bit.

Irritability (personality): Really none. It wakes me up but doesn’t make me spike into a spaz.

“The Jitters”: WhatdoyoumeanI’m jitteryIfeelgreat! You’re putting a lot of caffeine in your body — any more than the 11-ounce bottle is a bit scary, even if they do sell it in 22s.

Focus & alertness: I took my review sample on a day where I had gotten very little sleep and really just needed to function for the full day. It worked, and I was up and at 'em for a good chunk of a day that would have otherwise been wasted.

Negative impact on co-workers: They gave me concerned looks when I opened one.

Stank breath: Yes, but with sweet overtones.

Packaging sex appeal: I actually love it — the blue bottle and orange label plays off the automotive wonderstuff that all street racers crave. Bold and distinctive, and perfectly targeted to a market that is all about power and speed. 

How hard did you crash? Not nearly as bad as I expected. I crashed, mind you, but I expected to go down in flames and take several household objects with me. Instead I sort of just conked out slowly.

Other comments: RAAAAWR! Red Bull and Rockstar have about 8 mg of caffeine per ounce. Bawls is gentler, somewhere around 6 mg. NOS packs 15.5 mg per ounce — almost twice that of “the leading brands.” I only know of a few other drinks that are higher, and one of those was taken off the market. I like the flavor a lot, and the results are undeniable, but the high caffeine content really makes me nervous for my own system. In case of emergency, drink NOS.

The Verdict:  8.5 (out of 10)

Corey “The Junkie” Cohen

Describe the flavor: Like sweet and syrurpy pineapple, underlaid with sugar and aminos. I was a little overwhelmed the first time I drank it, but I can appreciate it more after repeated tastings.

Irritability (stomach): My innards won’t be joining the NOS Fan Club anytime soon.

Irritability (personality): Not really. Probably because I’m so unbelievably awake after having one.

“The Jitters”: It varies. A few months ago, when I wasn’t as accustomed to drinking energy drinks, I actually broke out in a nervous, trembly sweat after consuming an 11-ounce NOS. (So did our associate art director, Gary, which made me feel better.) Now that I’m more accustomed to energy drinks, it doesn’t jolt me like that  — but it does have a noticeable effect sometimes. I just chugged a NOS while writing this review, and I’ve got big jitters, to the point where I’m compulsively checking if my hands are shaking…and even occasionally putting my hand on my chest to feel my heartbeat. No other energy drink has made me do that.

Focus & alertness: I’m very alert, but being this uber-caffeinated makes me hyper, too, so it’s hard to focus on a single task. If I needed to do three things at once — like clean my desk, play Undertow, and write this review — I’d be in business.

Negative impact on co-workers: Ryan laughed when he saw me drinking it; Juliann said “Oh nooooo!” Guess I know who my friend is.

Stank breath: It won’t break the Stankometer, but it will set it off.

Packaging sex appeal: The bright orange is hip and attention-grabbing, although the weird typesetting makes it hard to read the name “NOS.” I’m surprised the manufacturer didn’t play up the astronomically high caffeine content: the label simply says “CAUTION: POWERFUL” in small type. What an understatement.

How hard did you crash?: Each time I’ve NOS’d, I’ve expected to bomb out afterward, but I don’t. I just feel noticeably less spazzy when the caffeine wears off — like when you step off a motorized walkway and you’re back at normal speed. It’s abrupt but tolerable.

Other comments: NOS is easily the most powerful energy drink I’ve had — as Dan said, it’s about twice as caffeinated as many of the big-name brands — and as much as I respect that, the word “overkill” comes to mind. It’s one of the few drinks that seems to break the caffeine ceiling, making you wonder if, uh oh, maybe you just had too much. For frequent energy-drinkers or someone who really needs to stay awake, it’s a good fallback position; but I think the average person should think twice before chugging the full 11 ounces — and especially before buying the 22-ounce size, which I only half-jokingly call The Flatliner.

The Verdict:  7.0 (out of 10)