“Energy drink” used to mean “coffee.” Now it’s a euphemism for “high-caffeine soft drink brimming with various types of sugars, weird ingredients like taurine and guarana, and occasionally, a few useful vitamins.” Every so often, Dan (the Connoisseur) and Corey (the Junkie) will hold an informal, simultaneous taste-test in their search for the perfect power beverage — it’s their Energy Quest. It’s not scientific, but it is honest. And it might be extreeeeeeeeeeme.

Inked (Chikara Flavor)
12-ounce can
www.7-eleven.com

 
Corey “The Junkie” Cohen

Describe the flavor: Unlike the Maori flavor, which is Red Bull–ish all the way, the Chikara flavor tastes very pineapple-y. The label says “Tropical Grapefruit Beverage,” but to me, it’s pineapple juice minus the pulp and the sourness. Really like it.

“The Jitters”: Just the tiniest hint of them — like “pre-jitters” that never follow through.

Focus & alertness: Out of a possible 100mph, my speedometer’s reading 65. I feel mildly fired-up, but I’m definitely not in the red zone, where I’d be more hyper. It’s a decent buzz, but I wish it were a bit stronger.

Negative impact on co-workers: They’re intrigued by the can, but that’s about it.

Stank breath: None. The fruity aftertaste is kinda nice, actually.

Packaging sex appeal: The label does a nice job of capturing the whole tribal-tattoo vibe, and the color scheme is cool and distinctive. It’s hard to tell the two flavors apart, though — the cans should differ more than they do.

How hard did you crash?: No "CRASH" tat for my shoulder. Inked didn’t pick me up enough for me to come down from anything.

Other comments: This is one of those rare cases where the “drink” is lots better than the “energy” — usually it’s the other way around. I liked Inked’s Chikara flavor enough that I’d chug it as a soda, but it’s too weak to be a dependable power-up like Bawls, Burn, or Full Throttle. Ironic, since a “Chikara” is a Japanese kanji meaning, among other things, “strength” and “power.” To me, it just means “yum.”

The Verdict:  7.0 (out of 10)

Dan “The Connoisseur” Amrich

Describe the flavor: Grapefruit. Reminded me of Squirt. Light, strong citrus — tastes like any other soda, really, with none of the multivitamin flavor that other energy drinks have.

“The Jitters”: Nothing to speak of.

Focus & alertness: Some. Not enough. Awfully weak for an energy drink.

Negative impact on co-workers: Quite the contrary — my sadistic comrades enjoyed seeing my face contort every time I took a swig. Damn them.

Stank breath: A wee bit. Also had a grapefruit aftertaste for some time, but that’s not really a bad thing.

Packaging sex appeal: Tribal tattoos…seems kinda mid-'90s to me. Then again, some would say the same for energy drinks in general. Also, there are two flavors of Inked, but you can’t easily tell from the packaging — we had to return to the store when we found out we’d accidentally bought two flavors instead of two cans of the same flavor. Not smart.

How hard did you crash?: Low buzz means no crash. I didn’t fly high enough to come down hard.

Other comments: Inked is the house brand of 7-11, so you’ll find it only at those familiar convenience stores. I guess they got tired of seeing Red Bull and Rockstar fly off the shelves, so they worked out a deal for their own brand of energy drink with Cott Beverages — makers of RC Cola, Red Rain, Red Rooster, and our old friend Aftershock. And like Aftershock, this one just didn’t get me going. It’s quite tasty as grapefruit soda — but where’s the energy?

The Verdict:  6.0 (out of 10)

Got an energy drink you want reviewed? Contact Dan!