“Energy drink” used to mean “coffee.” Now it’s a euphemism for “high-caffeine soft drink brimming with various types of sugars, weird ingredients like taurine and guarana, and occasionally, a few useful vitamins.” Every so often, Dan (the Connoisseur) and Corey (the Junkie) will hold an informal, simultaneous taste-test in their search for the perfect power beverage — it’s their Energy Quest. It’s not scientific, but it is honest. And it might be extreeeeeeeeeeme.

Headshot (Chewy Chocolate Toffee)
1.8-ounce bar
http://uncommonloot.com

Corey “The Junkie” Cohen

Describe the flavor: Chocolate-y, toffee goodness — what a great way to caffeinate. Headshot is tough-and-chewy like a PowerBar ProteinPlus bar, only tastier. I wish it was on the softer side, but I could scarf these all day.

“The Jitters”: I’ve tried this bar three times and never had any jitters. Maybe ’cause as energy products go, it’s somewhere between lightweight and middleweight: One Headshot has 100mg of guarana — the same caffeine as a 16-ounce Bawls, though it sure didn't feel as strong.

Focus & alertness: I do feel a little revved-up, in that good, ready-to-go way. It’s a smallish boost, but I’m sharper, minus the spazzery.

Comments from the peanut gallery: Candy-bar caffeine is delightfully covert-ops. No one noticed our attempt to buzz.

Stank breath: Toffee. Just toffee. It’s the best, lip-smackingest aftertaste of any energy product, ever.

Packaging sex appeal: The wrapper’s decent-looking, but kind of a texty muddle. I know Headshot’s aimed at gamers, but from a quick glance, would anyone else know what the name refers to, or realize this is an energy bar with caffeine (a.k.a. the elixir of life)? I’m not so sure.

How hard did you crash?: Crash-free. And since I’d just eaten rectangular foodstuff, I didn’t have the urge to chase my e-drink with some munchies.

Other comments: Headshot promises to “improve your game so much…people will be complaining you have an Aimbot!” Well, none of the people who clowned me at Battlefield: Bad Company will be complaining (especially since, with a mouthful of candy bar, I couldn’t even mock them from the grave). Still, I like this product, even if it didn’t improve my game. A scrumptious candy bar is a nice way to ingest caffeine; in fact, it kinda makes some of the grosser-tasting e-drinks look silly. If it sounds appealing to you, you can get Headshot from ThinkGeek.com.

The Verdict: 8.0 (out of 10)

Dan “The Connoisseur” Amrich

Describe the flavor: Stale chocolate. Well, it’s an energy bar, and like those sort of protein slabs you can get that look like candy bars but aren’t, it’s covered in a thin veneer of chocolate that tastes a little…off. That’s probably due to all the other stuff underneath it, such as toffee bits and crisped brown rice (which is surprisingly chewy), but this ain’t Cadbury or even Hershey. The toffee keeps oversweetness at bay, too.

“The Jitters”: I didn’t get shakes, but I did get that thing where you can’t stop moving your leg. That’s unusual for me.

Focus & alertness: Higher. Definitely had me wired for several hours after I ate it.

Comments from the peanut gallery: None, because they just thought we were eating candy.

Stank breath: None! That’s a nice benefit of being, you know, not a liquid form of amino acids.

Packaging sex appeal: Even I have to wonder about whether I would buy a product called Headshot in public. It’s shiny, but the bullet holes and the old-school stencil font could be sexier.

How hard did you crash?: Not bad. It was nowhere near as bad as a huge sugar rush kind of crash that I'd get from a traditional drink.

Other comments: I have to admit that I’m skeptical of stuff like this. I’m a big fan of Clif bars and often use them for substitute meals, but I hadn’t really considered the same kind of thing as a substitute for my energy drinks. But…this worked, and it was a big rush! I wish it tasted sweeter, more like candy and less like wood. It did give me a boost for an extended period, so highish marks for working so well — but being taste-motivated and not really digging the texture and flavor, I wouldn’t really reach for Headshot again.

The Verdict: 7.0 (out of 10)