The Other F-Word

Jeeze, enough with the flaming.

You guys are all taking this to seriously. I say your gay allll the time, do i mean it? no. Do gay people think its truly offensive? No. 95% of people do not care if their called gay so this really isnt a big deal, and the part about the erection is simply the gayest thing iv heard all week - seriosly that was gay

See, necrophilia is fine. I'm just fighting homophobia.

I have to admit, some days arent good days for me, and when i play halo i get a little pissy. I try not to yell, and alot of the time when im yelling, im having fun and getting into it. Yelling is part of the experience, and it helps with the trash talking. People freak out, and yes i have been called a faggot before, then i just ask
hmm
what if i am
usually shuts them up,
then i corpse hump them XD

I'm glad someone finally addressed this. I used to play Gears Of War online pretty regularly, and eventually stopped using my headset all together. Partially because I got tired of the shock that quickly spread through the game lobby when everyone realized I was a girl, but also because I was tired of the crude and unnecessary trash talking.
That didn't help much, as I could still hear all of it through my TV. Now I just don't play unless it's entirely with people I know can act like adults and realize that, hey, it's a game. Losing a match doesn't cause anyone to question how secure you are with yourself - or your masculinity. The part that surprises me the most is that one of the people I play with regularly is an ex-coworker's 12-year-old son. He's amazing at the game, and rarely loses... but when he does, he says "good game". It's amazing to me that a preteen is one of the most adult people I've interacted with via live.

There's been many times when I'd be playing COD 4 and I hear these people calling everyone else gay or calling them a fag or something. Most of the time I don't say anything to anyone. I only talk to warn team mates of approaching enemies or something that has to do with the game itself. Sometimes I will be verbally assaulted even though I don't say a thing to anyone. I found the best thing to do is mute that person or just ignore them. I think it's funny when a trash talker assaults me and I ignore him and he gets even more mad. Some people just need to chill out and enjoy the game.

Finally some rational thought on the subject. There are so many more intelligent ways to insult someone. The only reason it ever pisses me off when people say that to me is because it completely insensitive and totally unoriginal. It is like being called a noob when you whoop someone or a retard cuz you just got a headshot. Insult me by calling into question my tactics or something else. That will at least sting a bit. Calling me a generic name does nothing but make me realize all to well what the world really is: a bunch of adolescent teens in 30 year old bodies. I say that because those insults stopped hurting once i grew up. Maybe everone else should as well. Props to Dan

A man's masculinity is based solely on his grasp of the english language and his ability to apply it. That is why the poor fellow who posted prior to me is doomed to die an early death without, as the Spanish say, cohones.
I agree, "Fag" is tossed around shamelessly. It's fun to think that most of the people that use it excessively are losers and will go nowhere in life. Also, Dan Amrich could kick your ass in any Xbox game, whether or not you're at the time shooting up a variety of cheap drugs.

HAHAHAHAHA are u kidding?? Your really going to go bitch about being called gay...See people call you gay and a faggot because you write stupid articles like this. Pretty much what this article stated was, " I am a little bitch, and I can't take abuse on XBox Live. I am going to write an article trying to prove that people who say gay are actually insecure." Whatever dude, your a faggot, and I'd love to play u on xbox live and kick ur ass

i laugh at the kids who trash talk. cause many they are at the bottom of the list with the lowest score. i let my game play do my talking. and laugh when someone has a problem with it.its nice to be in a clan and on a team that has a zero tolerance for trash talk.

TEAM VIRUS
Vice President
X 180PROOF X

I personally do not cuss or call anyone gay on xbox. But honestly i think that everyone who signs up for xbox should be prepared for some bad language and possibly a few insults. I am not saying that insults and bad language should be used but i am saying that it WILL HAPPEN. Even tho he want Xbox Live to "grow up" i think xbox live can "grow up" by being mature enough to either deal with the language and insults, try to improve your skills to avoid the insults, mute the big mouths, or stop renewing their membership.
Once again, i still think that people go way overboard on xbox because it is JUST A GAME, but hey, it going to happen.

I agree with what's said. I'm a female gamer, and nothing's more irritating than listening to the useless ego puffing at the end of a game. Things like, "That guy's glitching!" or "That *expletive* dude's such a cheater!". Granted, there are those out there who manipulate the system so that they have an advantage (but if they want to take the fun out of the game, just leave the room - they can play by themselves). Follow that up with the inevitable assumption that I could be a young boy who's up way past his bedtime...and you've got a standard online match. And even if that is the case, if there's young ones about, why not practice a little self-restraint? No, it's not infringing on your rights of free speech - it's something called common sense and consideration. Just because I have the right to do something, doesn't mean it's a free pass. It's a lame excuse to remove one's self from any and all responsibility for the actions one may take. It's simple - yes you have the right, even the privelage to speak as you choose, but as it has been wisely said:

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

If your not gay why do you care? Get over your self absorbed ego. It's called free speech, and if we don't have that, what do we have? Idiots like you trying to take it away. Thanks Dan for being the All-American hater. Seeing as how you don't agree with our first amendment rights. BTW YOUR GAY!

And this is why I do not bother with a headset during online matches. Unless I am playing with my friends, I have no desire to listen to the immature kids that run ramped throughout the xbox live world.

And when I say kids, I do not just mean the 11 to 17 year old crowd. I mean the twenty somethings as well. I mean those people that make fun of anyone that has not put in the 100+ hours to be amazing at a game.

So many people forget it is a game. If the game has such a major affect on your personality that you need to insult people, it is time to log off and visit the real world.

Oh, and if you want a comeback to anyone calling you "gay" call them a "breeder" as that is what homosexuals tend to call heterosexuals as an insult.

I want to add that the whole "it's not an insult to gay people" crap is just that, crap! It is an insult to gay people because guess what? Gay people are offended by it!

Intent is meaningless in our society. If you shoot someone and they die, but you only intended to hurt or maim them, you still committed murder. Similarly if you call someone a fag, nigger, Jew, etc, it doesn't mean what your intended meaning of the word was. It's hate speech nonetheless.

Bigotry in online gaming is not exclusive to xbox live. Unfortunately, it exists in every crack and crevice of the gaming world. It is especially prevalent in PC gaming.

I am not a naive person nor am I a stranger to the harsh realities of the world. However, I am deeply saddened by the ignorance and hatred displayed by today's young people. I wish I could say that it surprises me, but unfortunately this is what I have come to expect of people. At 24 years of age I am more surprised when I meet someone online who isn't a bigot than when I meet a homophobic white supremacist.

It's just plain sad really. In all honesty I simply don't understand the human race and probably never will.

A hero need not speak when he is gone the world will speak for him.
Gamertag:BULLET WASTER If you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen. Who cares if you call people gay on LIVE, it's inevitable. If you file a complaint against someone who calls you a fag (and they usually say it to people who suck)who cares? Filing a complaint isn't going to help. As far as I can tell filing a complaint doesn't do anything. If you take a stand and say "I'm not a fag,I'm gonna report you" well, needless to say that isn't going to make people think you're cool.
It's going to make them think well..... you're gay.

Dan,

I am the one who always gets called gay because I am not very good.So your advice on what to say is very very very helpful !!!!!!!!!!

Thank You

Hate speech is wrong in all its forms.

The argument that "that's how Live is" is assinine.

There are petitions out there to try and get MS' attention to this fact. Live needs to get under control. That's not a faceless person or AI you just insulted. That's an actual person who may have a job, bills to pay, etc. just like you do.

This is preaching to the choir, but as Dan mentioned complaining does nothing. Taking action against it does.

"gay" is just a way for ppl who suck to try to look cool without using cusses. I personally use bad words online alot so it pisses me off how many 11 yr olds think its cool to call someone a fag. Grow a sac and say fu.

ppl don't use "gay" and "fag" as a reference to homosexuals. hello, no one knows who is or isn't gay online and frankly no one cares. these words are used as substitutes for cuss words. the trash talk is bad, ill admit, and these words are almost as bad and need to stop, but seriously, calm down. everyone knows that trash talk and name calling won't stop, so why bother. besides, no one is questioning anyone's sexuality.

Lag kills.

i agree completely!!! it drives me nuts when some idiot thinks its funny to go and insult someone for beating them at a game! if you ask me i think it is just plain stupid to do that. pleanty of times ive been mad at someone because they killed me but i look at it as my fault for not being the one to shoot first, i dont go and insult or cuss up a storm. gamers like us have gotten bad reputation for being "foul mouthed" because of other gamers desisions. some of us arnt like this but yet people have to look at it like all gamers are bad.

i guess i screwed up on the wording i destroyed him after i told my sister to get off because i got so mad

i totaly agree, i got called gay and a total fag just because i totaly destroyed this guy at halo i was letting my sister play and she wasnt doing to good so they called me a gay ass for not playing too well

I can sum up why people use the word "gay" as an insult with one word: homophobia.

Let me put it another way: Why are people using it as an insult at all?

I don't call people on XBL "gay", but I have a hard time believing that the author doesn't understand the word's use as an insult. People do not use it as an insult to gay people, they use it to insult people who are not gay. It's the same idea as calling a man the equivilant of a female dog, or a "Sally". It classifies them as something that they do not want to be classified as. Pretty basic stuff here.

I've been called everything in the book, and I noticed the same thing too
It's not funny if that person is, and when did it become an insult in the first place?
Sometimes I'll just say I'm gay (I'm not) just to shut them up, cause if being gay is really so bad or whatever, they just got owned by one, so they, in effect, insulted themselves, and filing a report feels ever so good

I agree with you 100%. It makes me sick to hear someone harass homosexuals. Same thing goes to non-Americans, (Canadians like myself, Brits...) women, people of different race or religion... I just don't know how people think that they're apart of a master race of humans because there are in fact people different than them.

I won't say I'm perfect. I'm not homophobic, but I will catch myself calling things "gay." I guess it attached to my voculary as a new word for "seemingly unfair cheating." But, I'm trying to change, isn't that the important thing?

Holy crap ur right! 5 starts for you
With all due respect to Xbox and my readers,
R.J.- The ATOMIC GAMER

This has to be the most off-topic blog Ive ever read.
You were right to say that it's a slur and a punchline. However, you said "it’s not a slur if you’re actually gay"

WHAT??? You must be confused on what a SLUR is and what a PUNCHLINE is so here is some clarity for you...

A SLUR is an INSULT, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/slur,

A PUNCHLINE is a JOKE.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/punchline

Ok, enough of the grammar lesson for today.
What was it we used to say on the playground? Oh yeah, the "Sticks and Stones" rant. If you are tired of hearing gamers screaming fag when they loose, as you clearly are, then do something about it. Just report them, avoid them, and move on. Blogging to encourage others to report bigotry is noble, but that is all you really had to say. Your blog is way off-topic. Who were you trying to educate here? "Gay people know they are gay" and "Gamers call people names when they loose". No shit! Come on. Everyone knows this and this will never change as long as people are able to speak into a microphone without being censored. Hey! Maybe MS will come up with a way to filter the microphone one day. Who knows? Until then, you'll have mute and avoid.

"Life's hard...it's even harder when you're stupid" (John Wayne)

Proactive or prohibitive? Grow up everybody! No one is actually calling anyone's sexuality into question. Clan leaders: if you call a team mate a moron in the heat of battle do you really think he/she is mentally deficient? Probably not. Same thing here. Just a word, people.

Good post... FAG!!!

Hahaha! I joke, I joke! This is true, it's rampant among live, and I don't understand it. I like being polite, it makes me feel good. I don't like to trash talk, and I don't like hearing it either.

It's funny that you bring this up, because recently I found out that my daily UPS driver at work, who I've known for years, is an Xbox fan. So we exchange gamertags and make plans to play COD with his friends on the weekend. I hop into a game with them, and before we even start playing he is calling people on the other team "fags" and "homos" and I've got to tell you it was rather shocking. Especially because he is such a polite and good spirited guy in REAL LIFE, AND because he's around 35 years old(it's not just the kids on live).

Strange what the anonymity of the internet can do to people.

LOL, I agree. I must be very manly then, since I don't speak much. To me, the most annoying thing is hearing a kid who has to be between 9-13 screaming and just simply being annoying. What are they doing playing games like COD4, GTA IV, and Halo 3 anyway?

I have to admit, I agree with you 100%. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten out of a game because of all the whining and bellyaching. Either I cheat or someone is cheating. I've played matches where I ended up being 24-9 kill ratio and the next match I might end up being 9-20. Sometimes I'm good and sometimes I suck but I don't blame anybody else. Just stop crying. I hate to admit it but most of the time it's the kiddie gamers, it's annoying and I don't want to hear it. My motto: Just shut up and play! It's tough to admit but some people are just better than you.

Sometime, hopefully soon, people will realize that speaking and acting in such a vile way only hurts the online community that we are all attempting to be a part of. It is this kind of sad behavior that makes all gamers look terrible.
Thanks Dan for taking a few moments of your time to get people to at the very least think about what they do while online. This kind of behavior is inexcusable and really only makes those that partake in it seem even more pathetic and sad.
Sorry kids, but when you shoot back and say how you should be able to use that kind of language it just means that you are making my point. Grow up people, realize that there are many kinds of people in this world and there will come a time when you are expected to grow up and contribute to society in a useful way. In doing, so you will have to keep your bigoted comments to a blissful lull. All the better for the rest of us that don't care to attempt to rile up others by not having enough mastery over our respective languages to utilize original or exotic degradations toward those we pWn...peace out and send feedback.

That's How I Roll...

I think you guys are fucking crazy! Why are you so serious about this. Why do you care what someone which you will never see in your life says to you in a video game. Are you that petty? Does your life not have enough substance that you have to focus on dumb shit like teenagers calling each other fags. You guys really need to grow up.

I say it all the time its just the way I talk I call the enemy a faggot, it just part of trash talking! I don't take offense to what people say on a microphone I mean really its not that serious everybody and their momma say it, just deal..Q!

Thanks for this, Dan. I use my "file complaint" "avoid player" "mute" triple play on this all the time. If it slips out or the guy's mainly talking to his friends and I happen to be the one random in the room, I'll let it slide with just a mute, after I ask them not to use the language. Any refusals or escalation or repetition by them, and I file.

In fact I have gone so far as to twice call Xbox to report particularly nasty people - one racist and one homophobe - so that I could have them write down exactly what the guy said. I don't remember the exact words now, but I remember that the person taking my call simply said "Oh my God" on the other end of the line.

If we want a better Live community, then we as players need to use the tools at our disposal and help police it. How some of these people have 5-star rep is beyond me. Avoiding/reporting is SO easy, and even if it all it does is make it less likely I personally will hear them again, it's so worth it to take the 10 seconds to do it.

Anyhow - thanks for blogging about this. I'd love to hear you address it on the podcast as well.

Whenever someone calls me gay I either mute them and give them a bad review, or just roll with it until they shut up or leave.

Yet another symptom of Xbox Live's biggest ailment: the anonymous douchebags who can run their mouths off all day without consequence.

Personally I think Microsoft is too lenient with this. If a player has been given a lot of negative reviews for their voice conducted, is frequently muted by other players or directly complained about, then they should lose the ability to speak on Live. End of.

So many people don't speak on Live, or even don't listen to voice chat, because there is no consequence for being rude, disrespectful or downright insulting. If Microsoft started policing it more effectively, that could change. They might lose a chunk of their under 16 user base, but I think they'd get that back with interest from older gamers who are sick of putting up with this.

Thank you dan amrich that is so true i love playing xbox live but sometimes i am reluctant because of the people online i love playing call of duty 4 but when i get that headshot and the match ends all i hear is insults left and right and i am getting sick of it people on xbox live just need to grow up and realises were all playing to have fun

Thank you Dan Amrich! I'm gay and the popularity of these words used as insults bothers me very much. This should bother everyone, gay and straight. We are a community and we should stick up for each other.

It's good to see that there are indeed some straight men who are willing to choose to not conform in favor of doing what's right.

Thanks for the article: I am 'the gay', and the atmosphere of homophobia present in online gaming is a major turnoff for me playing. It's not that I'm so thin-skinned that I can't handle the occasional slur, but the word 'fag' is as bigoted as the word 'nigger'. The rest of society seems to have caught on to that fact, yet it somehow persists in online gaming. It's time to cut the crap and the lame excuses and acknowledge that using derogatory epithets against gay people, even out of context, is homophobic and lazy.

I am gay and I take great delight in confirming that when I've just trashed some little idiot on Live and he starts namecalling. It's funny how when you say "yes I know I am" they clam up totally and don't have a thing to say.

For a while I took to "straight bashing" them back to make the point, but really that doesn't solve the problem so instead I do what you suggest, call them on it and report them if they continue being dicks.

As you point out you don't need a hardon to play Tomb Raider and you know what? I don't get my jollies looking at Fenix' ass all day either - it's a videogame, I play it cause it's fun. So what if I give more head than headshots? I'll still kick your ass at Halo ;)

Why is it that the word gay has become so twisted? Some of my friends say, "That's gay," instead of, "That sucks," or something like that - even when what they're talking about is not happy/attracted to men!

(P.S. Love the podcast, Dan)

I agree with PC Mustang. Ban the children!

It truly doesn't bother me because I'm not gay. I find it tends to be the under 17 crowd, that aren't supposed to be able to buy the game, that general go with all the hate speech. With the older crowd, you might catch an expletive, but it's usually not directed at anyone. That’s generally been my experience.

It's Call of Duty 4's favorite insult. Most online gamers who spend all day long playing only one Xbox 360 game (Halo 3,CoD4,GTA 4) act like that. It's just how this community is.

This is Gay!!! LOL. Loved the article. Hell I always hear a lot worse than gay. There's alot of your mom this, I did this to your mom..., or many other stupid things coming out of stupid people.

It reminds me of the movie Idiocracy. This guy goes into hibernation for a government project and wakes up 500 years later instead of 1 year and all the smart people have been outbred by the idiots.