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Posted on: Mar 28, 2008
The Scoreboard #7
WORDS BY: Mitch Dyer
Jumper: Griffin’s Story
As much as I hate this game, I also have an underlying love for it. By mashing the face buttons for a couple hours, you’re bound to unlock at least 80 percent of Jumper’s 1000 points. Where the other games in this list were skill based or time consuming, the only requirement for Jumper is consciousness, and even that’s a questionable prerequisite. Maybe “breathing” is more appropriate, so if you’ve got a heartbeat, you’re able to totally ready to rock this game’s world.
Best Achievement - When it’s done (50 pts.) Complete the game. I’m going to be frank. This is only the “Best” because when the game is over, you can stop playing it, like, that second.
Worst Achievement – Pack Rat (50 pts.) Find all collectibles in the game. I can’t count high enough to account for the amount of FAQs, walkthroughs, and guides I had to triple-check to make sure I hadn’t missed a collectible somewhere. After a painful second and not-worth-it third completion, I came to accept that I wasn’t getting these 50 beans. My heart broke when I compared my complete “prize room” to the countless collectible guides, confirming that I did in fact meet the requirements for earning the Pack Rat Achievement, but was free of reward. In theory, I could have just wiped my save file and played it again to try and un-break the unlock, but the odds of me playing through Jumper to the end again – taking up a whole 90 minutes of my day – are about as likely as Hayden Christensen being cast as anybody but whiny crybaby.
Easiest Achievement – Stop hitting yourself (50 pts.) Perform a finisher move from the front. You know the A button? It’s the green one. Push that. Bloop! Achievement Unlocked.
Hardest Achievement – Hard Target (50 pts.) Play through the game without dying. This wouldn’t be so brutally difficult if enemy counter-attacks weren’t so inconsistent. You’ll find yourself laying flat on your face when enemies knock you over without recognizable reason, and the latter half of the game features bosses that take 10 or more minutes to finish off due to their copious amount of hit points, which will often lead to your frustrating demise. It’s an easy one to cheat, but hitting the power button every time you drop dead only leads to monotonous level restarts.
Time investment vs. Payoff – 10 (out of 10) The entire game takes a couple hours to wrap up your first time through, max. To get the full thousand (broken Achievements notwithstanding), take 90 minutes to burn through the game again earning the required experience, landing simple combos, and picking up the worthless collectible prizes.
Overall - 9.5 (out of 10) The only thing stopping Jumper: Griffin’s Story from earning the highly coveted 10/10 is that it forces you to play more than one time to net some broken or experience-based Achievements. In the end, Jumper is a fantastic way to boost your way to the top of the Gamerscore leaderboards with a horde of hella easy Achievements…that is, if you’re willing to suffer through the atrocious voice acting, unbearable camera, and a couple glitched Achievements.
*****
That’s it for this week, Xbox-oholics! Not a bad haul if you’re willing to bust your rump (from your couch) to earn the bulk of these Achievements
If you want to get together with some folks for some Gamerscore-centric matches or suggest reviewable games, head to the forums or comment below. Leave your loving (or not-so-much) comments below, and don’t forget to e-mail your own Scoreboard review so you can be a part of the action. Remember kids, this is going down in the history books, so you want to be a part of it, right?
Check back next time for more reviews, guidance, and (hopefully) hilarity. Until next time – I’m late for my AA (Achievers Anonymous) meeting!
PREV
Mon, 06/09/2008 - 00:52
Posted by Contagious360
Im sure that Im passed the point of anyone reading this b/c this article was written so long ago, wish I had seen it earlier. Anyway, overall the achievements really are quite easy for Vegas2, more so than Vegas1 IMO. The longest process was getting to Elite, for which for those of you who haven't figured it out the best and easiest method is to just play alot of Team Leader, trick is to be on the winning team. Since Ubi released the update it was only a few more days until I achieved 1000/1000, unfortunately though it wasn't much longer (same day I think) that I traded it in for another game. For me Vegas2 just wasn't as good as Vegas1. The coop story was awesome, but once you go through it twice there isn't much of a replay value. T-Hunts were even more frustrating than in Vegas1 and with limited lives in Attack and Defend matches my favorite game mode was taken from me. So my advise is just give a couple of weeks to get your 1000 then trade it in and go back to Vegas1. Hopefully Ubi's next endeavor will be better than both combined.
Tue, 04/01/2008 - 11:53
Posted by Ghostx187
Hey Mitch, badass article. I hope to read more soon.
Tue, 04/01/2008 - 08:24
Posted by Axe Argonian
Oh,okay,thanks Paul!
Mon, 03/31/2008 - 17:00
Posted by Paul OXM
Reader reviews will be back for next Scoreboard. We had to let it lapse for #7 while switching from Casey to Mitch.
Mon, 03/31/2008 - 15:05
Posted by Axe Argonian
Don't worry Mitch;I'll definetly send a reader review in the near future! Although,I was wondering why there weren't any reader reviews this time?
Mon, 03/31/2008 - 00:39
Posted by Mitch OXM
@ Axe: I've been meaning to fully wrap up the 1050 Mass Effect points, and there's nothing that will stop me (in the long term!) - but for now, I've got soooo much to do (including a bunch you listed off!). Care to take off the load? E-mail me your own review, I'd love to see what someone who's a hound like you has to say!
@Paper - Yessir. I nabbed a couple Achievements in your attendance! I hosted a bunch of games with ya and the T-Hunting would be impossible without the help of buds. I've admitted as much that I'm an FPS lover, but damn if I'm not the worst at 'em.
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 18:35
Posted by PaperLantern
Our Mitchy is moving up! I'm so proud!
I take pride in the fact that my two hours of terrorist-hunting shenanigans in Vegas 2 with you (maybe) helped you write this.
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 10:40
Posted by Axe Argonian
Also,I agree with the SKX achievement. Although it is unique and a welcome change from other MP achievements,SKX is pretty annoying. I even had to hunt down some players from the leaderboards and send them a 'Please,may you let me kill you?'-type of message (Remember,two weeks ago,there weren't that many regular-basis guys that had that achievement). Even though the SKX achievement was annoying,I just thought this: At least it wasn't as bad as Halo 3's Overkill achievement!
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 10:30
Posted by Axe Argonian
Thanks Mitch! Well,maybe it's because I'm used to getting 100% achievement completion in some tougher games (Mass Effect,70+ hours anyone?) that Condemned 2 seemed very enjoyable to get 1000/1000. Then again,there's a necessity for an acquired taste in Condemned 2's multiplayer,and personally,I still play its multiplayer because I like Crime Scene so much. So,yeah, I get your point that Condemned 2 required a greater dedication than,say,Jumper:Griffin's Story. However,I was wondering if you noticed the achievement tracker function in Condemned 2's Extras menu? It showed you how many more games,kills,and levels were required to achieve a certain achievement.
Anyway,keep up the good work Mitch! (I think that GTA IV,Bully,Army of Two,Dark Sector,and other recents will make it into Scoreboard #8,right?)
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 00:35
Posted by Mitch OXM
Hey Axe. There were some toughies in Condemned 2, for sure, but they weren't impossible to obtain. Playing through the game with a guide is almost necessary if you plan on getting all of the emitters, not killing any museum guards (which was a welcome change of pace from "murdermurdermurdermurder") and perfecting all of the crime-scenes. I think if a guide is essential to getting Achievements, it's a less fun experience than A) earning them yourself to increase your internet-nerd-cred (hey, that's a good thing, not an insult!) or B) getting them for "free".
Achievements should be fun, not work, and it takes some serious online grinding to get the online Achievements, and some of the single player ones.
Great job on getting all 1000, though. Playing the game, what? Twice at least to obtain the FPS mode completion and the 'no guns' Achievements. That's a good effort on your part!
Sat, 03/29/2008 - 12:50
Posted by Axe Argonian
Also, using the guide on mycheats.com ensured that you won't miss any piece of crap in order to get 100% completion in every level. Not to mention,I read up on those Condemned 2:Bloodshot description translations before the game's launch,so I was able to understand the achievements.
Sat, 03/29/2008 - 12:46
Posted by Axe Argonian
Wow,this months edition was VERY juicy! Welcome Mitch Dyer! Anyway,though,I HIGHLY disagree with the Condemned 2:Bloodshot review. I already got 1000/1000 in this awesome horror game in only 9 days!!!! (Check my gamercard out: http://live.xbox.com/en-US/profile/Achievements/ViewAchievementDetails.a... ) My first achievement was unlocked 03/12/08,and my last achievement was unlocked 03/20/08. So,personally,Condemned 2's multiplayer kept me stuck because it was so fun.
Sat, 03/29/2008 - 07:15
Posted by djpotatohead
nice. good work. i hope to see much more from you on this website.
Fri, 03/28/2008 - 18:20
Posted by SHOCKERRA
Mitchell Dyer,
Where to start? Brilliantly written and entertaining to read. Wait to officially get started in the industry; Lord knows I'm both immensely jealous and proud. You're making it bud!
This was a fun piece, we'll discuss the specifics over IM. Exceptional work!
Sincerely,
your reader and news aficionado,
Ross (SHOCKERRA)