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Posted on: Mar 28, 2008
The Scoreboard #7
WORDS BY: Mitch Dyer
The Club

This year, The Club completely blindsided me with its volatile chemical fusion of some of the lesser-known elements out there: Arcade-ium, Awesome-ite, and Action-ium. The explosive combination resulted in a wicked-fun third-person shooter that focused on points and leaderboard-climbing instead of a deep narrative and lengthy cinematics. Like a quarter-eating arcade cabinet in disc form, The Club is not only hella fun, but hands out Gamerscore like it’s goin’ outta style. Don’t tell it that it’s not.
Best Achievement – Melee the Elephant (25 pts.) Kill 30 enemies in a level with a melee attack in either Tournament or Single Event. Nabbing this moderate-point Achievement isn’t nearly as hard as it sounds if you’re clever about switching down to the Casual difficulty (a.k.a. Baby Mode) before you start an epic match of high-fiving dudes to the face. The switch to Casual makes you a thick-skinned, nearly invincible god; if you need the extra security for personal closure, select Adjo or Dragov for their man-tank strength and start swinging those fists in a Siege single event. Beat down 30 faceless drones before the timer runs out, and you’ve got yourself a cool achievement and a fond memory of a frantic firefight.
Worst Achievement – No, Seriously (40 pts.) Kill 10,001 people in multiplayer Ranked Matches. Listen Bizarre: parodies are funny and all, but when you’re honoring something that wasn’t any fun to begin with, things aren’t cool between you and I, okay? The spoofed Achievement (Gears of War’s “Seriously” – 10,000 ranked kills, for all the Xbox n00bz in the audience) wasted too much time, effort and social activity for most gamers to give it a second glance, and as much as I dig shooting faces online in The Club, you won’t see me grinding away online for hours on end trying to earn your homage. I’ll find a better way to amuse myself, thanks. Perhaps I’ll start by counting the taste buds on my tongue.
Easiest Achievement – Listmania (5 pts.) Save 5 Playlists in GunPlay. Got five minutes to burn? Who doesn’t!? Head in to the GunPlay game variant and whip up five of the exact same single-level custom playlist for an easy, lame, and almost worthless Achievement. It’s simpler than the rest, but the payoff is a slap in the face. The simplicity satisfies my lazy ilk, though. Now if only The Scoreboard would write itself.
Hardest Achievement – (Tie) Hidden Treasures (30 pts) Shoot All Secret Skullshots in every level in either Tournament or Single Event and Bag them Bones (30 pts) Shoot All Skullshots on every level in either Tournament or Single Event. These bad boys are far from impossible to find, but you’ll need to eat a crate of carrots if you plan on using the superpowered eyesight required to locate and destroy all of the combo-boostin’, skull-imprinted road signs. About ten kind-of-hidden Skullshots litter each location, and Secret Skullshots, which require precise positioning and perfect precision to hit. Locating them is similar to an Easter-egg hunt, except instead of cheery children prancing in a park, maniacal thugs are vainly shooting shotguns while getting pasted in dilapidated warehouses. Happy hunting.
Time Investment vs. payoff – 8 (out of ten) As of this writing, I’ve earned 610 Gamerscore from The Club over the course of about eight hours. Give yourself six hours to finish the tournaments, and if you feel like taking on the Insane difficulty (it’s not very hard), you’ll get 20 extra points when you finish each map. Hopping online for a couple hours with some buddies to rack kills and stack wins will have you swimming in unlocks.
Overall – 8 (out of 10) It isn’t for everyone, but I enjoyed the score-based antics of The Club, and without going out of your way, you’ll bag a good chunk of the Achievements. With a little research, comrade cooperation, and trial-and-error, you won’t be able to stop the Achievements from flowing. If you’re really devoted, there isn’t much stopping you from getting all 1000 points. Well, nothing but the asinine, life-sucking nonsense of “No, Seriously”.








Mon, 06/09/2008 - 00:52
Posted by Contagious360
Im sure that Im passed the point of anyone reading this b/c this article was written so long ago, wish I had seen it earlier. Anyway, overall the achievements really are quite easy for Vegas2, more so than Vegas1 IMO. The longest process was getting to Elite, for which for those of you who haven't figured it out the best and easiest method is to just play alot of Team Leader, trick is to be on the winning team. Since Ubi released the update it was only a few more days until I achieved 1000/1000, unfortunately though it wasn't much longer (same day I think) that I traded it in for another game. For me Vegas2 just wasn't as good as Vegas1. The coop story was awesome, but once you go through it twice there isn't much of a replay value. T-Hunts were even more frustrating than in Vegas1 and with limited lives in Attack and Defend matches my favorite game mode was taken from me. So my advise is just give a couple of weeks to get your 1000 then trade it in and go back to Vegas1. Hopefully Ubi's next endeavor will be better than both combined.
Tue, 04/01/2008 - 11:53
Posted by Ghostx187
Hey Mitch, badass article. I hope to read more soon.
Tue, 04/01/2008 - 08:24
Posted by Axe Argonian
Oh,okay,thanks Paul!
Mon, 03/31/2008 - 17:00
Posted by Paul OXM
Reader reviews will be back for next Scoreboard. We had to let it lapse for #7 while switching from Casey to Mitch.
Mon, 03/31/2008 - 15:05
Posted by Axe Argonian
Don't worry Mitch;I'll definetly send a reader review in the near future! Although,I was wondering why there weren't any reader reviews this time?
Mon, 03/31/2008 - 00:39
Posted by Mitch OXM
@ Axe: I've been meaning to fully wrap up the 1050 Mass Effect points, and there's nothing that will stop me (in the long term!) - but for now, I've got soooo much to do (including a bunch you listed off!). Care to take off the load? E-mail me your own review, I'd love to see what someone who's a hound like you has to say!
@Paper - Yessir. I nabbed a couple Achievements in your attendance! I hosted a bunch of games with ya and the T-Hunting would be impossible without the help of buds. I've admitted as much that I'm an FPS lover, but damn if I'm not the worst at 'em.
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 18:35
Posted by PaperLantern
Our Mitchy is moving up! I'm so proud!
I take pride in the fact that my two hours of terrorist-hunting shenanigans in Vegas 2 with you (maybe) helped you write this.
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 10:40
Posted by Axe Argonian
Also,I agree with the SKX achievement. Although it is unique and a welcome change from other MP achievements,SKX is pretty annoying. I even had to hunt down some players from the leaderboards and send them a 'Please,may you let me kill you?'-type of message (Remember,two weeks ago,there weren't that many regular-basis guys that had that achievement). Even though the SKX achievement was annoying,I just thought this: At least it wasn't as bad as Halo 3's Overkill achievement!
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 10:30
Posted by Axe Argonian
Thanks Mitch! Well,maybe it's because I'm used to getting 100% achievement completion in some tougher games (Mass Effect,70+ hours anyone?) that Condemned 2 seemed very enjoyable to get 1000/1000. Then again,there's a necessity for an acquired taste in Condemned 2's multiplayer,and personally,I still play its multiplayer because I like Crime Scene so much. So,yeah, I get your point that Condemned 2 required a greater dedication than,say,Jumper:Griffin's Story. However,I was wondering if you noticed the achievement tracker function in Condemned 2's Extras menu? It showed you how many more games,kills,and levels were required to achieve a certain achievement.
Anyway,keep up the good work Mitch! (I think that GTA IV,Bully,Army of Two,Dark Sector,and other recents will make it into Scoreboard #8,right?)
Sun, 03/30/2008 - 00:35
Posted by Mitch OXM
Hey Axe. There were some toughies in Condemned 2, for sure, but they weren't impossible to obtain. Playing through the game with a guide is almost necessary if you plan on getting all of the emitters, not killing any museum guards (which was a welcome change of pace from "murdermurdermurdermurder") and perfecting all of the crime-scenes. I think if a guide is essential to getting Achievements, it's a less fun experience than A) earning them yourself to increase your internet-nerd-cred (hey, that's a good thing, not an insult!) or B) getting them for "free".
Achievements should be fun, not work, and it takes some serious online grinding to get the online Achievements, and some of the single player ones.
Great job on getting all 1000, though. Playing the game, what? Twice at least to obtain the FPS mode completion and the 'no guns' Achievements. That's a good effort on your part!
Sat, 03/29/2008 - 12:50
Posted by Axe Argonian
Also, using the guide on mycheats.com ensured that you won't miss any piece of crap in order to get 100% completion in every level. Not to mention,I read up on those Condemned 2:Bloodshot description translations before the game's launch,so I was able to understand the achievements.
Sat, 03/29/2008 - 12:46
Posted by Axe Argonian
Wow,this months edition was VERY juicy! Welcome Mitch Dyer! Anyway,though,I HIGHLY disagree with the Condemned 2:Bloodshot review. I already got 1000/1000 in this awesome horror game in only 9 days!!!! (Check my gamercard out: http://live.xbox.com/en-US/profile/Achievements/ViewAchievementDetails.a... ) My first achievement was unlocked 03/12/08,and my last achievement was unlocked 03/20/08. So,personally,Condemned 2's multiplayer kept me stuck because it was so fun.
Sat, 03/29/2008 - 07:15
Posted by djpotatohead
nice. good work. i hope to see much more from you on this website.
Fri, 03/28/2008 - 18:20
Posted by SHOCKERRA
Mitchell Dyer,
Where to start? Brilliantly written and entertaining to read. Wait to officially get started in the industry; Lord knows I'm both immensely jealous and proud. You're making it bud!
This was a fun piece, we'll discuss the specifics over IM. Exceptional work!
Sincerely,
your reader and news aficionado,
Ross (SHOCKERRA)