The Scoreboard #11

Assault Heroes 2

The original Assault Heroes was a solid twin-stick vehicular carnage. Players were sent rampaging through concrete jungles, actual jungles, and nautical fortresses (which were probably near jungles) as a Lamborghini-tank with a variety of weapons. It didn’t take long to finish, and if you rocked it with a friend in co-op, you guaranteed yourself a hundred Gamerscore. Assault Heroes 2, however, removed the well-placed bar of Achievement-unlocking fun and hurled it so high in to the sky that it disintegrated upon atmospheric re-entry.

Best Achievement: Smoothie Heroes (20 pts.) Co-op Campaign: Kill 100 infantry, one player freezes & the other shatters, on Hard in one session. Mmm... Smoothie! We’ve got to give props to this Achievement for being clever and original, since most Achievements these days seem to be simply “smoke a fool.” It demands teamwork to do, and it’s great watching a buddy ice an infantrymen, only to see him get roasted shortly afterward. This is definitely one of the coolest ideas for an Achievement, and we’d be happy to see co-op takedowns implemented in to other games!

Worst Achievement: Assault Flags (10 pts.) Single Player: Collect all of the Flags scattered throughout the game. This wasn’t fun in Assassins’ Creed, and it sure as heck isn’t any fun here. Why are we collecting flags in the middle of a nuclear-fuelled war? There’s kamikaze dudes running in from all directions looking to shove TNT up your rear end, and you want to hop out and collect a flag? Uh, not happening, especially since there are too many to bother collecting for just 10 points.

Easiest Achievement: Hot-wired (10 pts.) Single Player: Capture all 3 hijackable vehicles at least once. Leading up to the point where you can steal a giant robot (OMGundam!) takes some time – you won’t even see the mech ‘til after level 15 – but entering the three vehicles (tank, chopper, big-ol’-robo) requires a simple tap of the B button. We’re pretty sure that pressing B is easy, but your mileage may vary.

Hardest Achievement: Fearless (20 pts.) Single Player: Complete 3 sequential areas on foot: Medium or Hard difficulty in one session. Don’t be fearless. Don’t even pretend to be. Taking out scores of suicidal soldiers without the extra health of being inside an armored vehicle is brutally frustrating. Buff up that trigger finger. You’ll need the practice

Time Investment vs. Payoff: 5 (out of ten) Considering the length of the game triples that of its predecessor, it’s no wonder it takes so long to get the lot. Achievements that are bound to certain modes, such as Single Player or Zone Battle, really hinder any unlocking. Mastering AH2 is a must, as are level repeats

Overall: 4 (out of ten) This game is just plain skipable for Achievement whores (that’s you). It’s a challenge, and as we all know, that just gets in the way of the real point of gaming on the Xbox: Gamerscore-getting. Sinking your teeth into it will reward you, but we’re willing to bet most of you won’t play it enough to get more than 50-100 points.

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