We can’t help it — we’re still addicted to Achievements. But that pesky real life keeps getting in the way of our abject whoring for Gamerscore. So, a challenge was issued: Surrounded by the mundane trappings of work, family, and everyday life, how much could one person really earn in, say, five days? Whippersnapper Taylor and seasoned pointmonger Corey both rose to the challenge, with an extra perk: Taylor would go first, setting a pace that Corey would know he had to beat for his run. Both editors kept diaries of their efforts — and the results surprised even themselves…

 

The Contest

Starting with a freshly created Gamertag, each editor has five workdays (including nighttime hours) to amass as much Gamerscore as possible. Taylor goes first, then Corey tries to beat him the following week. Calling in sick is forbidden. The participants can use any retail or Xbox Live Arcade game for gaining Achievements. Either editor can use Xbox.com to observe the other’s progress at any time.

 

Day One

I know Corey — who has studied every Gamerscore shortcut in depth — will hit the Achievements track to chase down my inexperienced Achievement-whoring shortly after I finish. So, naturally, I start with the easiest 1,000 points I can: Avatar: The Burning Earth. Granted, I’ll have to give up some of my dignity to get these 500 points per minute, but I figure that it’s worth it in the long run. Two minutes of pressing the X button later, and OXM Young Gun is in the quadruple digits. But after that, I had to stand up and make a sandwich to rid myself of some of the shame.

Points this game: 1,000
Shame level: 5/5

I’ve never been much of a sports-game kind of guy. But when I hear that there’s another easy 1,000 points from a quick half-hour of College Hoops 2K6, I can’t really pass that up. It took me a bit longer than it should have — with the combination of not reading what’s required for a few Achievements and being absolutely horrible at sports games, even with the uber-skillful player-created team under my control — but I get the job done.

Points this game: 1,000
Shame level: 4/5

Crap! NBA 2K6 won’t load past the first few minutes of the first quarter! This disc must be scratched. After several attempts, I decide to switch games, but just as I do, the power goes out. Awesome. Looks like I’ll have to keep whoring tomorrow.

Points this game: 0
Shame level: 3/5

WRAP-UP: If my power hadn’t gone out, I would have gotten far more points today. Oh well: hopefully Corey has similar troubles.

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 2,000

 

Day Two

I’m in the office, but I’m focusing on Achievements; I know Corey will likely be doing the same kind of “work” during his run. After being unable to get my hands on any other 2K6 sports games for basically free thousands, it’s time for a terrible movie game. TMNT is one of the better movie tie-ins, but it’s taking way too long. Oh well — at least I finished it and got my full 1,000. Next!

Points this game: 1,000
Shame Level: 3/5

After getting started on Open Season, I decide that I can’t take much more in the genre of terrible movie titles. Besides, I think it might be time for something a bit quicker in the points department.

Points this game: 190
Shame Level: 5/5

Dan had mentioned that I could get a quick 150 points for starting Live multiplayer games in each level of Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland (10 points per level). What he neglected to tell me is that I’d have to unlock those levels to get the points. Oh well — I’ll take the quick 20 for the first couple of levels and move right along.

Points this game: 20
Shame Level: 4/5

I’ve been interested in playing Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard for a while now, but never really got around to doing it. I played the first level up until I died from trying to kill everyone with blind fire (for an Achievement, duh), and I managed to snag a pretty decent number of points in about 15 or 20 minutes. Not too shabby.

Points this game: 115
Shame Level: 2/5

It’s fairly late as I get going on Peter Jackson’s King Kong, but it’s notorious for handing out Gamerscore. I’ve also got a headache, probably brought on by too much gaming today (always in moderation, kids!), so I manage to get through only the first few levels for a solid 300 points.

Points this game: 300
Shame Level: 2/5

WRAP-UP: I had quite a long day of gaming today; guess I had more free time on my hands than I thought. Tomorrow will be different, though, as I actually have a rare opportunity to practice my social life.

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 3,625

 

Day Three

I’m starting to get a bit nervous. Corey will know my score and will no doubt be hot on my heels, and he’s not one known to take it easy on a newcomer. Plus, the next few days are gearin’ up to be rather busy. I guess I’ll just finish up Open Season. The last half-hour or so more than made up for the lack of points in the beginning. Points galore!

Points this game: 810
Shame Level: 3/5

WRAP-UP: Strangely enough, I’m starting to feel less and less shameful about my whoring ways. What is this competition doing to me? Will I play Avatar on my own personal Gamertag? I really hope not… Anyway, I have a previously planned social engagement tonight, so no more gaming for me. I didn’t tell Corey that the NBA 2K6 disc isn’t working. Hopefully that slows him down. What have I become?

 

Day Four

I’m sort of a movie nerd, but I’ve never actually played any of the Scene It? games. As apparently everyone else in the world has realized, Scene It? Box Office Smash is fun as hell. I have to pull myself away from it before I spend too much time getting the crazy, time-consuming Achievements.

Points this game: 505
Shame level: 0/5

Um...can we not talk about the Wall-E game ever again? I’d prefer to believe it doesn’t exist.

Points this game: 5
Shame level: 4/5

Unlike Wall-E, Jumper isn’t a game that can taint my enjoyment of the movie. After the first level, I’ve already racked up several hundred points, and it doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. Looks like I’ll definitely be finishing this one tomorrow.

Points this game: 550
Shame Level: 4/5

WRAP-UP: It’s looking like I’m pretty much out of games that are easy 1,000-pointers (well, at least ones that I’m willing to play — see my boxout down there on the left). Plus, my work that I’ve been putting off to rack up some Achievements is finally catching up with me. Tomorrow’s going to be interesting to see if I have enough time to get my work done and get some gaming in.

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 5,495

 

Day Five

Another faulty-disc tragedy! The final level of Jumper (and another 200 to 250 points) won’t load! What horrible timing: there’s no way I’m going to be able to get another copy of such a terrible game. Who would keep it?

Points this game: 100
Shame level: 3/5

The home stretch! With only a few hours left, I turn to a slew of quick and easy Live Arcade achievements (on Dan’s 360, since he apparently owns them all). After learning that Golden Axe (the original, not the garbage new one) is still a blast, Pac-Man Championship Edition is completely awesome, and that I’m some sort of prodigy in Dig Dug, I’ve earned my last couple hundred points. I even sunk into the advergaming abyss to milk Dash of Destruction, which turned out to be worth the effort. Not too bad for about an hour of good times.

Points these games: 250
Shame level: 1/5 (for playing Dash of Destruction)

WRAP-UP: I ended up having far fewer points than I would have hoped, but with the amount of time that it took me, I don’t think I could have gotten a whole lot more without sacrificing some serious work and social time. I expect Corey will do just about as well, despite my feeble efforts at sabotage.

GRAND TOTAL: 5,845

 

 

Day One

As the day begins, I’m ridiculously ready. I crave Achievements like Little Sisters crave Adam, and to earn ’em for a legitimate work reason? Let’s do this. I’ve even picked a Gamertag that reflects my outlook: OXM Weasel. In my eyes, any means of grabbing Gamerscore is fair play (except for actual game- or hardware-hacking), so you won’t see any sissy “Shame levels” in my accounts.

Of course, given my opening salvo in this competition, I should ease up on the smack. Real life steps in: I’m spending most of Day One working on other stories for the issue — stuff I thought would go so much faster — and before I know it, the day’s over! By the time I’ve gone home, had dinner with my family, and so on, it’s 10 p.m. and I’m kinda tired... but dammit, I’ve got to get some Gamerscore today.

In desperation, I load up Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and play for around 45 minutes of steady Achievements. After 105G, they start to slow down a bit, so I switch to Open Season — well-known for its points-showering generosity. And then I remember why I never finished it on my regular Gamertag: it’s mind-numbingly boring, to the point where I actually fall asleep midgame, after nabbing just 20 points! What a pitiful end to a disastrous day of score-grubbing.

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 125

 

Day Two

It’s a new dawn, and I’ve gotta rally: though I’m doing my race exactly one week after Taylor did his, and I haven’t even looked at his final score yet, I know his Day One total must’ve crushed mine. I need a shotgun strategy, using every game and trick I can muster to boost my total.

I start with a gimme — 10 easy points from a Viva Piñata: Party Animals start-menu cheat — and then I implement my devious plan for earning Achievements while I work on various projects unrelated to this story. In between sending emails, discussing the OXM Disc, and so on, I have my 360 running six games that award Achievements for watching their credits: Hail to the Chimp, Tiger Woods 10, Eat Lead, Monsters vs. Aliens, NBA Ballers: Chosen One, and NCAA Basketball 09. I nab 115 points this way, which is sweet but not nearly enough, so I milk 280 more points from Eat Lead while it’s up and running.

I’m still way-low in total points, so later that night, it’s Jumper time. This game is the worst kind of licensed sewage (enter room, fight generic baddies, repeat), but I’ll gladly suffer for 550 points in just over an hour. When I can’t take it anymore, I try to wash it down with the thinky detective-work of CSI: Hard Evidence, a game that pays big with five 200-point Achievements. Problem is, it’s late, and stupidly, I’ve started without caffeine or a walkthrough. Just after midnight, I fall asleep, again, and miss out on vital late-night points. I’ve earned nothing; I’m screwed.

Taylor is going to destroy me.

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 1,080

 

Day Three

All right, this is the day that decides it. Time for an all-out blitz: less weasely credits-watching (well, after Guitar Hero II’s, which I run while checking email), more ballistic ass-kicking.

After snagging a few more GHII Achievements, I bring out the BFG: Avatar: The Burning Earth. I was going to save it for a Day Five surprise, but forget that — I need to get back in the race, quick. It’s one thing to be within earshot of your opponent, waiting for the moment to sprint past him when he least expects it; it’s another to fall so far behind, you have no chance of catching up by the end.

Five minutes later, I chase that 1,000-pointer with some Ski-Doo Challenge. What a mediocre snowmobile game, but big-and-easy Achievements like crashing into trees and bystanders net me a respectable 250 points. I’m eager for more guaranteed Gamerscore, so I saddle up with lunch, a can of Rockstar, and both Scene It? games. Now this is more like it: these guys are an Achievements goldmine in solo play, and by playing with two controllers at once in Scene It?: Lights, Camera, Action, I earn some multiplayer Achievements, too. Between both games, I nail 795 points, and after an hour-long edit meeting, it’s time to go home.

But the day’s not over. Around 11 p.m., I load up College Hoops 2K6 and seek the same easy Achievements Taylor did. Pitting Duke against Princeton, tweaking settings, and even controlling both teams helps me get 850 points; if I wasn’t inept at sports games, I’d have gone 1,000/1,000. It’s still a Gamerscore bonanza, though, and after winding down with a couple of Up Achievements, I shut off my 360.

It’s been a good day, and I finally have the courage to look up Taylor’s final total. Holy whoa — 5,845? He’s in striking distance?!? I have a chance! I can actually win this! YES!!!!!

Hey, Taylor — can you hear my footsteps?

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 4,090

Day Four

New day, new confidence! Knowing Taylor is just 1,755 points away is reassuring, but I can’t get cocky. I still need to rock it today to catch up and pass him. I start off by kicking a little dirty sand his way, via The Simpsons’ infamous START Achievement. Mmmm… degradation…

That was so simple, I figure I’ll do some more chumpy stuff before I start grinding. Guitar Hero III cheats that unlock everything for 35 points? I’ll take it. A Brothers in Arms: Hell’s Highway cheat (0ZNDRBICRA) that gives you 70 points instantly? Done! After all that quick gratification, I need to keep the easy ball rolling, so I return to Up. An Achievement for “finding the multiplayer menu”? Genius! I keep playing ’til I reach 205G, but I know faster points lie elsewhere, so I move on, making a mental note to finish this game on my own time — it’s charming and fun, and Ed Asner’s voiceovers are great.

If only he’d coached the announcer in Fuzion Frenzy 2: after 125 points of that stinky cheese, I stab the 360’s off button in disgust and move on to a sure-fire payday: NBA 2K6. Gonna use the same sneaky tactics I did with College Hoops 2K6, oh yeah…what?! A disc-error message? Hmmm…I’ll bet Taylor had this problem but didn’t think to Install to Hard Drive. “Installation failed”? Noooooo! Tweaked by this mishap, I relax with some more Up, followed by the guilty pleasure of Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, which proves a wonder of efficiency. Playing one song (“Dream Police”) perfectly on Medium difficulty, with a female guitarist, I unlock six Achievements at once. By 100%-ing it again but not using Star Power, I get two more Achievements. Dare I say it’s…amazing?

Late that night, after watching some 30 Rock episodes with my wife, I load up one of my favorite games: Fight Night Round 3. On Easy, it’s a no-fail thousand points, but…choke! I get to 750, then hit a sticking point where I begin losing fights. Screw it: bedtime. I’ll beat him tomorrow.

CURRENT GAMERSCORE: 5,475

 

Day Five

Your reckoning’s at hand, Taylor. Finishing Fight Night’s gonna put me really close to him, so before and after our farewell lunch for Dan, I fill the gap by gobbing Gamerscore in some Live Arcade games: Jetpac Refuelled, Ms. Pac-Man, Star Trek: D-A-C, Dash of Destruction, and Dig Dug.

Then I return to Fight Night… and I make the rookie mistake of becoming invested. “Don’t like the game; like the points!” shouts my greedy inner voice, but I can’t help it — pride’s calling, and I need the full thousand! I get it, but it takes me a few hours — time I could’ve easily spent tearing it up in TMNT, Eragon, or other points-fests. Oh well…moot point. At 5,955, I’ve beaten Taylor and I’m late for a restaurant date with friends, so I head off.

And then I do something weird. It’s 10 p.m, I’m back at home, but instead of relaxing, I impulsively sign in to the OXM Weasel account and keep playing. Can’t stop here — gotta top off the tank and hit 6K, I think. After a little Paperboy, Tron, and Terminator Salvation, I’ve done it, and it’s almost midnight. The five-day deadline is up. Off goes the 360.

GRAND TOTAL: 6,085

This contest is over, but my grubbing? Well, needless to say, I’ve already applied my College Hoops trickery to my personal account, and I’ve replayed some of Terminator Salvation there, too. Now if I can just find a working copy of NBA 2K6, I’ll be in business...